Whats wrong with me?

[jaymee812]

Hello.
I'm a first time mum to a beautiful 5mo little girl. Since having her I feel a bit like i have lost myself within my relationship.

My husband is amazing and i am very lucky to have him by my side and as my little girls daddy. He adores us both tremendously as we do him.

When he's not with us, i miss him a lot and wish he was home and when he is home something inside me changes and i find myself snappy at him for no reason, I don't want to be touched or even kissed. He is very affectionate and i love this about him and I don't want that to change but something in me makes me wants to run away from it and i don't know why.

I find myself arguing with him over silly things and pushing him away. When it comes to sex i just don't want it. In my mind i think i want it and when it comes to it I don't. I really really don't. I make every excuse under the sun and i just don't want to be touched. I try to make myself but i just don't enjoy it. The thought of just doing foreplay doesn't interest me either. Every touch or kiss he wants i jump down his throat as if he is constantly trying it on at every opportunity but he's not. Its me.

I hate the way my body has changed. I hate how tired i always feel. I hate my boobs being touched, even if I touch off them accidentally myself ( I didn't breast feed). In my mind I panic about falling pregnant again, we're using condoms at the moment and they put me off having sex even more as i find them so uncomfortable and irritating as i always end up with thrush. Im afraid to go back on any form of contraception as i just want my hormones to be back to normal and feel like me again. The pill never agreed with me before and I'm scared to try any others.

I keep saying to myself and my husband that I'll be back to normal soon but I'm beginning to think I never will. Help

Hey OP.

Firstly, you're not alone.

That baby you carried all those months that changed your body on the outside, also did some profound things on the inside too.

Feeling lost I think is something all parents can relate to, especially those with new babies too, as often, it begins a loop of hormonal thoughts that you didn't previously have.

Have you spoken to anyone? Your OH or a friend? Maybe speak to a HCP might also be an option too.

Op, what you are going through is very, very common. My grandmother said this phase after having a baby is nature's way of preventing another pregnancy too soon before your body is ready, and if you think about it, this "old wives" theory makes a lot of sense! You might also have PND and you absolutely have a body trying to deal with huge hormonal changes.

PLEASE stop beating yourself up about it and definitely talk to your husband about how you're feeling. Keeping this bottled up will only damage your relationship. Talk to your gp and know you WILL get through this!

Totally normal and like pp said it's nature's way of ensuring you're not pregnant all the time.

Your baby is still probably glued to you all the time so you're also a bit touched out. So sit down with your dh and explain to him that you love him and want to spend time with him but at the moment mother nature is not letting you want physical intimacy and therefore you're irritated and worried. So agree with him that when you're ready, you will approach him but for now can it be off the cards.

Yes please be honest with your DH, that way he can support you rather than being confused and resentful. Do try and make some time together even if physical stuff is not on the cards at the moment.

OP Please speak to your midwife or doctor to see if you are suffering post natal depression. It is very common.

Not feeling like sex is quite normal post birth too.I think.

Get some help and do talk to your dh. Could you maybe write him a letter or texts in the day saying how much you miss him and how you feel? He is probably a great guy but sadly you feel like you are not quite yourself. You will come back to yourself in time, I am sure, but you may need some help.

Having a baby can make you feel very connected to the baby but can also, sometimes, make you feel very 'disconnected' from your own body, IMHO.

Thank you everyone, i do try to explain it to him and he says he understands but nothing changes. I will speak to the hv and hopefully will feel back to myself soon🤷🏼‍♀️ thank you xx

Very normal. And no wonder you don't fancy sex if you keep getting thrush. Talk to your gp, about that and how low you're feeling.

Have you considered the coil?

How are things noe OP?

Things are better, i have made an appointment to speak to someone and to discuss other contraceptions that way i can give up condoms! Hubby is really understanding although it doesn't change him being affectionate and trying but he understands when I don't and i find we are arguing less. Thank you xx

He adores us both tremendously as we do him.

I think this sentence gives a few things away. You see your life now as you and your child as a single unit and then your DP as an external entity to "us". It is no surprise you don't want to bring sex into that new "unit". I think that over time you need to find a way to see yourself as three individuals rather than you/DC and DP as two groups within the family.

Good point busybarbara.

Jaymee812 that is really good news.

@busybarbara i think your right, i do tend to see her as me/mine most of the time which i know i shouldn't, I'm not to sure how to change that? Do you think over time this just changes?

I don't really know. The common advice is to schedule date nights and have a night out to be "you" again etc. But fact is you're a mum to a baby now and that is just how it is at that age, you two vs the world. It won't be that way forever so enjoy the good bits while you can!

Lol that's exactly how i feel. I should make more time for hubby and I on our own. Thank you so much 💞

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