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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

One night stand

2 replies

amylou1805 · 02/10/2018 18:08

Back in August me and my “partner” decided to have some time apart as we were doing nothing but argue and it wasn’t a healthy environment for our daughter. We agreed that the time apart would be to work on ourselves and us as a family, we’ve spent almost every weekend together on family days out and we’ve still been sleeping together. A few weeks ago i found out he was talking to another women, so we argued.. he said he wasn’t talking to her “like that” and that they rarely talk anyway, I asked if he wanted to work things out within our relationship and he said he didn’t know. During the week he was texting me and talking to me asif he wanted to so I presumed things were going well, we’d spent the Saturday together and again slept together.. I went on his phone whilst he was sleeping (I know I shouldn’t of) and it turns out he’d been speaking to her daily.. I don’t know what about because it was all on snapchat. Again another argument about how he’s lying to me but I did believe him when he said it was innocent conversation. Fast forward to this weekend (the best weekend we’ve had in a long while) and I find out he had slept with this girl he’d been talking to on a drunken night out at the end of August, I’m obviosuly absolutely heartbroken, I just don’t know what to do, I’m not even angry that he slept with her (we were going through a shitty time) I’m just angry that he’s lied for this amount of time and that he’s slept with me without even considering the chances of STI’s etc (he said he used a condom and it was only the once but who knows if he’s lying about that) I really just don’t know what to do, I’ve been in love with this man for 6yrs and he’s the only person I thought I could ever trust and now I find out he’s been lying to me, help and advice needed desperately I just don’t know how to cope. Am I sad/desperate for wanting to forgive him? I just feel lost

OP posts:
wellhonestly · 02/10/2018 18:14

I don't understand what your "time apart" actually meant, so it's possible that he didn't quite understand either? Did you actually talk about whether you could see/sleep with other people?

If I was "on a break" from a partner then I might be upset at the thought of them sleeping with someone else but I couldn't really blame them.

Perhaps he is lying because he fears your reaction - not saying it's right or good, just that it would be a human response within the range of "normal".

I think you have to focus on your expectations now and either both give everything to the relationship and work within it, or call it a day if that will ultimately be best for all concerned. Sorry you're going through such a difficult time.

GloomyMonday · 02/10/2018 18:48

I'm not entirely clear on whether he wants to make your relationship work or not? You say he said he 'wasn't sure' when you asked him. There seems to be some assumption on your part. I don't blame you, given that he's making the right noises and also sleeping with you, but I think you need an honest answer from him.

I could forgive a one night stand while on a break but I couldn't forgive daily chat with aforementioned one night stand if we were aiming to reconcile.

Does he still consider himself on a break?

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