Finally spoke to OW

[lightninggirl27]

I posted a while back and have since changed my name. A background I was with my Partner / Husband for 9 years but only married for 5 weeks as he met a girl on his stag doo and continued an affair for 2 months which resulted in her getting pregnant!

Long story short it has been 4 months and he has moved her in and playing happy families expecting the baby in Jan.

I was in absolute bits for 8 weeks but the last month and a bit have been better, going on a few dates etc. However during this time the OW has been putting public things on FB about how happy they are, how she will need Botox soon as can't stop smiling! people stay with people due to comfort etc I have blocked her but I always manage to hear things which is obviously upsetting. So of course I have retaliated on certain things as they have been aimed at me. I know I shouldn't of bitten but out of Principal I felt I had to stick up for myself especially as I am the innocent person in all this shit storm.

I had enough and through a friend she agreed to speak to me. I told her the truth how she was the 5th girl I have since found out he has cheated on me with. She claims she knows and knows he has issues but he is a changed man and blah blah blah. I wanted to talk to her purely as didn't want him spinning her a load of crap about me. I told her she was publicly posting things to upset me which she denies. Liar!
I told her we were trying for our own baby and that he had asked me to come off the pill (as he has been saying he was so unhappy) I don't think she knew this but she was making out she did.

My main reason for posting is that I thought getting my side would make me feel better but it has made me feel worse about myself. Like why couldn't he change for me? Why wasn't I good enough? I feel so low and drained from the whole thing.

I do wonder though why she would agree to talk to me?! If everything was so Rosie and she knew everything why would she agree to talk? Maybe deep down she doesn't believe him. Just a rant really and spilling my thoughts out.

I know I am so better off without him but just feel like I am the loser all the time. It's horrible and my confidence is literally on the floor.

Thanks for reading xx

How could he change for her and not for you?

He hasn’t.

You say you had niggles but no evidence. If someone had asked you then if he was cheating, would you have said yes? Or would you have defended him and your relationship?

If his ex (who you had been told was crazy - because let’s face it, she will have been told all sorts of lies) said he was a serial cheat, would you have just brushed it off? Found it upsetting, but been loyal to him? I think you would have.

What she says is not the truth of it. Because just like you, she will have been lied to. And she’s in the worse position of being pregnant. She has to lie to herself or admit that she’s just tied herself to a cheat and a liar forever.

I’m not surprised you have bad days, you’ve been treated appallingly by a lying worm. It will get better. You are way too good for him.

You really are.

He hasn't changed for her. I bet that even now he is on tinder.

Like why couldn't he change for me? Why wasn't I good enough?
He hasn't changed for anyone.
This is the honeymoon period.
He will cheat on this one.
Guaranteed!!!!
Feel sorry for her as she will either just put up and shut up or be a single parent within a couple of years!

You are NOT the loser here.
You are the winner. Plain and simple.
So SHE go the prize!!!
Some prize.

You deserve better and you will find it.
Not sure about her though.

He'll be sob-storying about how the evil temptress destroyed his marriage and trapped him by getting pregnant from a ONS. And some other silly tart will fall for it.

People who shout loudly on FB about how perfect their lives are, are usually the most unhappiest and insecure.

He hasn't changed, he never will.

You deserve so much more, those two losers deserve each other. Move on and be happy.

I know it doesn't feel like this right now - but him hooking up with this woman has done you a favour. You got out before you had kids and you can put him in the past and leave yourself space to meet a man who adores you. Get all these thoughts about you not being good enough for him to change for you out of your head. Write them down on paper and then screw up the paper and bin it (or better still burn it safely!) Honestly, deep down you know he will do the same to her. Its just not happened yet. Why on earth would you want to change yourself in anyway to be more appealing to a low life scum like that? Delete all their contact details and work on your confidence. He has damaged your confidence and you need to back! Good luck.

Number 6 will be along soon op don't worry.

OP: in time you will realise your ex and OW did you a favour. He sounds like a prolific womaniser and while he may be "faitful" now to the OW, I bet you all my life savings once the baby comes along, he will fill that vacancy for a bit on the side again. She met him on his stag do, of course she is going to have insecurities and was probably trying to sound you out without giving too much away.

Jesus, what a grade a knob. Keep your head held high, and know that you are the one in the end that will triumph. You could have been unhappily married to the idiot for all your life with him cheating on everything that moves. Now you have the chance to meet a nice respectful man, have a family if you want and live your life.

He hasn't or won't change. She now has to deal with that. Good luck OP with the rest of your life.

There’s a saying that is very true in this situation ‘when a man marries his mistress, he creates a vacancy’ just wait OP, karma will arrive at some point...

But seriously this is t anything to do with you. When I found out my ex had cheated I spent many hours thinking he would r have done it, if I’d been slimmer, or prettier, or given him more money, or spent more time having sex etc etc, but I had a light bulb moment when I realised that I could have been all those thing and he’d still have cheated, you know why? Because he was a cunt!

He’s just a Tom cat,a dog in heat! The only thing that’ll change that is incarceration or impotence-probablystay the way he is eve. with a sexually transmitted disease so get yourself checked. You deserve to be loved and respected. Take care

He hasn't changed... he's parked his arse there for now... he will move on again when he gets bored...

She's insecure and desperately trying to justify to all and sundry why she shagged a married man.

Facebook and Instagram only show what someone wants you to see.

You have had a lucky escape- you won’t see that now but in time you will.

It’s not worth spending time on trying to justify his actions or trying to understand why he won’t change. Its nothing you have or haven’t done- it’s him, he isn’t a good one and probably never will be.

It’s not nice to see how “wonderful” they are getting on on social media. I always think people that need to share their undying love on social media are clearly lacking something in the real world. I would block them, give yourself a good time to heal and work out what you want in life.

I promise I’m a few months/year when this isn’t so raw you will realise how much better off you are without him- you are better than him.

Good luck x

When a cheater (male or female) goes off with the "other person", it creates a vacancy for another affair. It may not happen immediately, but it will eventually.

He has not changed

Thank you all so much. Your comments always seem to snap me back in to reality I think deep down I no he won't change but I also now know how good he is at hiding this side of him. My whole family fell for his act as well. No one could believe he would do this.

I just find it hard to believe he was so unhappy with me when it was HIM that wanted me to come off the pull in January ( he went on his stag doo beginning of March ) I want to believe that he wanted to be with me but it got out of control when she was pregnant. I don't want him but the thought of him living with me and being so deeply unhappy hurts as well. I don't think he intended to be with her as he said I wanted to come back but after you put what I had done on FB and I saw your families thoughts I knew I couldn't of made things right. Which is true far to much damage was done.

However does this woman not think realise she is a second best option and he is really only there because she got pregnant? Now just he is making the best out of it. Maybe she does but can't show it. Just seems so unbelievable to me.
She has left her job and her life and moved 2 hours away to be with him.

Maybe they are happy but I hope karma messes that up.

I must of had some effect as I received 4 missed calls yesterday from withheld number ( him ) as the times he rang was when he starts work which is early. Obviously ringing me off withheld in case I show her he called and he could easily delete the call list. I didn't answer but obvs have rocked the boat with the truth if he had to ring xx

Try not to spend time thinking about what she must think, because it doesn't matter.

The art of being able to move on is learning that you can't change what's happened, or what other people do - what you can change is how you react to it. The more time you spend thinking about her and her social media posts etc., is time that's being wasted. It doesn't affect her and it won't make you feel any better. The best revenge is living well.

It is hard, but stop looking at her social media. Ask friends not to tell you what he or she is saying or doing, and find some new things to focus on instead. You've got a new happy life surrounded by friends and family that value you. She's up the duff by a cheating prick who can't keep it zipped - you definitely have the better deal!

Please don't doubt yourself it is all him he is an empty vessel and ow obviously on tenderhooks.
Get off sm it's selfharming and a waste of time I know I've done it.
My ex now has 2 children with his ow now partner 23 years younger he looks like hell.
Your ex won't change you were a million times too good for him.
As they say water finds it level he is scum

However does this woman not think realise she is a second best option and he is really only there because she got pregnant? Now just he is making the best out of it. Maybe she does but can't show it Of course she knows.

She has left her job and her life and moved 2 hours away to be with him More fool her.

He hasn't changed OP. His new girlfriend will be busy convincing herself and the world that he has, because the poor woman is having a baby with him and deep down I'm sure she knows he will cheat on her.

It's easy to say, but you are so much better off without him! Get divorced and enjoy being single, then start dating when you're ready

wow. Divorce him as quickly as you can. Enjoy being single.

Look after yourself.

I pity her. She is having a cheating arsehole's baby. You're free.

I bet she's shitting herself, her rose tinted spectacles are falling off. Thank goodness you got out child free.