I NEED OPINIONS BECAUSE I'M OVERTHINKING SO MUCH ABOUT THIS

[WOMANTALK]

Hey everyone, I haven't been on this is so long literally 3 years.. but had to come on to see what you all think about this situation.
Me and my partner have been together for 8 Years now we have a daughter who is 4. So anyways..... So long story short I snooped on my partners phone 😪 I know people will say you shouldn't do that and what not, but I did and I didn't really like what was on it. I clicked on to his group chat, which consists of about 10 males. So I scrolled threw mostly just looking at what my partner was contributing into it.. It was porn type videos , for example leaked footage of a Brazilian footballers daughter bouncing on some man... And stuff like that. I went on his phone before around two years previous to this and it was the same type of thing.. only he had posted in a pic of a girl in a bikini from our local area, (she had just got a boob job) and was wearing like a low cut crop top thing over her bikini top and he done the "👀" emoji when he posted it the pic... This really made me feel sick to my stomach also ... So now I'm overthinking and overthinking and wondering if this is a problem, or am I being very insecure and do all men do this in group chats? I just feel a bit hurt again and struggle letting things slide HELP .

Men who don't respect women do this in their group chats. Not all men do this.

Twatty lads do this. Or men who are trying to be lads to fit in.

I really hope that the boob job pic was off facebook or something, rather than taken by him? If he's been taking creepshots of girls, he's a bastard.

SpoonBlender Yeah it was one that was posted by the girl on Facebook ... Jesus if I saw that he'd probably be dead 😶😶 🙉🙉 I have asked a few of my much older friends than me and their response was "he's a young lad that's a lad thing" I literally have not stopped talking about it to him though .. I can't help myself and can't get it out if my head I just feel not good enough now

Even when o was young I never wanted to be with lads who viewed women like this. You can have a man who sees women as people, not things.

I also need to add here * my fiance is affectionate towards me, he does apologise if he knows I'm upset and he is a really good father to our daughter she worships him... But does that all matter if he's doing that sort of shit sitting on the sofa in our living room on his phone......

Plenty of men do not have this attitude.
He is disrespecting all women in general and also being disrespectful of you and your daughter.

Oh no - don't feel not good enough! The lad brain (tbf all brains but lads are lads because they externalise it) is wired to fixate on boobs and bums and they in no way reflect back on you.

He is clearly being a dick though.

Do you think I should leave him? ATM i am at home and considering just getting up and packing my bags and going. I really find it hard to be treated in this way I'm definitely not a pushover, although I do love him so much ... Im so unsure..

I think you are overreacting slightly except for the local woman... my OH is on a WhatsApp group of mates who share similar adult stuff .. it doesn't bother me & OH shows me most of it & deletes it as it's a work phone. I would however be cross if there were bikini pics & comments about people we know.

I sent him a message this morning explaining how i feel and that I am ready to leave , and he rang me just there now annoyed and I just told him I hate waking up in the morning and thinking these things when I never thought he was this type of person at the beginning. I know the girl he posted is really attractive , I even find her attractive fgs .. but still. So I literally couldn't finish my conversation on the phone my anxiety is through the roof.. and he sent me a screenshots literally this second that he has exited all group chats.... dilly123... Tbh that makes me feel a little bit better to know my partner and his friends aren't the only ones

Sorry to hear the stress this is putting you through. If it helps, I found my fiancé's instagram the other week basically his whole feed was nude models and glamour girls etc. I confronted him, said this just makes me sad you feel you have to be looking at other women online and actually offended me - it was like some dirty little secret. I have no issue with him watching porn etc (obviously in a healthy amount and type) but the social media stuff...? No. It's too "real life" for me.

I approached him in a way that was literally just "I'm upset and offended" rather than "I'm angry" and he is a good enough man to admit he hadn't thought of it like that, and hadn't ever dreamt of upsetting me, and he took it upon himself to unfollow those pages and clear his phone of those images.

It was his reaction and approach that reassured me I'm with someone good. If he'd had reacted differently, it would've been a different story

Thanks sirmione16 , I'm not sure if the porn thing annoys me too much either.. I've watched it myself a few times even but I think i felt disrespected than he is sending it in to show everyone else.. I'm friends with all the other boys in the chats girlfriends also we go out together and what not ... Two of the girls I said to about this and they weren't even bothered by it atall... Which confuses me.. its like they didn't even want to know what their boyfriend's do .. so then I feel completely stupid and like a bitch? I'm probably the only one in the group who is brutally honest and I wear my heart on my sleeve.