Divorce: Keep joint mortgage or take it over?

[runningwithbob]

Just looking for advice really. My husband and I are divorcing and I don’t know what to do with the house.
Option 1: keep things as they are ie: I live here with the children but keep the joint mortgage
Option 2: increase my hours at work and take over the mortgage

I’m reluctant to increase my hours at work whilst my youngest is not yet of school age but then, and I’m not sure why, don’t feel quite right about the house still being joint.
He is saying to do option 1 even though option 2 would release some equity for him to be able to start again....

I keep arguing with myself about the best thing to do so thought I seek some advice in here!

Thanks!

When you say 'take over the mortgage' do you mean buy him out?
I did this. We had the house valued, worked out the equity and I raised the funds & paid him half the equity & transferred the house into my name. He was then free to buy a property and I actually only lived in the 'family' home for another 18 months before down sizing into my own home.

It was much cleaner.

Keeping things as they are & a joint mortgage - you would need legal advice (for either choice to be honest). Would you keep the joint mortgage until the youngest child is a particular age & then be forced to sell (buy him out), what about up keep to the property, what if his circumstances or yours change and you meet someone new - how would that work?
Just playing devils advocate.....

Are there other assets, such as pensions? With option 1 is there is tineframe when you would sell the house and give him his share?

If you increased hours with your H step up to ad hoc childcare in event of illness etc?

It’s difficult for anybody here to really advise you without knowing you marital finances and incomes (actual and potential). Divorce settlements are different for everyone because everybody’s circumstances are different.

Let’s start with the basic, you are divorcing. The relation is over. Going forward you and your STBX have a responsibility to be cooperative joint parents putting the interests of your children first. For this to happen you will both need to provide stable homes and stable parenting. The ideal is you both do this independently and both of you parent equally. The ideal may not be achievable if you don’t have a lot of capital or income (between you). Additionally the children’s parenting needsmay interfere with your working lives.

Wherever possible courts will look to achieve a clean break. Splitting the marital assets to ensure both of you are able to have you needs met as parents. The courts would also expect both parties to maximise income were this is possible.

But as you are realising this is compromised by the parenting needs of the children, particularly pre school. Basically one of the parents needs to manage the childcare and therefore cannot work full time to earn enough to cover their mortgage, relying on spousal maintenance. This means some couples have to defer the clean break until the children are older.

I think you are erring towards wanting to be independent and to get to the clean break ASAP. However you are mindful of the needs of the children. But remember these are his responsibility too. He can’t just expect to go on like a married man with a wife bailing him out of parenting responsibilities. He can do his share of pick up and drop offs. You can start to build your career.

Many thanks for your replies.
Yes, I did mean buy him out. As you say, I think it would be much cleaner and then the only thing that will tie us together is the children. He seemed ok with this even though I won’t be able to give him a great percentage of the equity. His main concern was me having to increase my hours in order to do so. He says he’s not bothered about the money.
If we keep things as they are, my aim would be for to it to be like that until my youngest starts school in a couple of years.
At this point I feel like I have control and can decide what it is I want, I don’t want him to suddenly pipe up in a couple of days/weeks/months and force me into increasing hours etc.
I guess I’m worried about increasing my hours at work and regretting it, I don’t want to miss out on time at home with DS although realistically I will only be losing a day.
As he doesn’t live locally, all drop-offs & pick-ups fall to me so just need to make sure I can cover all of those.
Arrrggghhhh!
Thanks for letting me air my thoughts.

I think you are doing the right thing and it’s good to keep it amicable. I would discuss his parenting. He needs to do his share and if that means moving so he can do his share of pick ups and drop offs, then he needs to do that. You aren’t his wife anymore and you don’t have to pick up his slack, if that is the case.

You will both be single parents and that creates equal obligations for both of you. Most single dads, divorced and separated, that I know have to live close to schools so they can actively parent. He needs to get his head around that fact that he is solely responsible for a percentage of the parenting. I think you should be clear about this from the start otherwise you will have problems in the holidays etc when he will be reluctant to use his leave to cover childcare.

Make your time with the children quality time now it is to be reduced. You’re making big changes to your life and he needs to do the same. I think he may have wanted to maintain a lot of the status quo. I can understand that but this is a new chapter for both of you. Start as you mean to go on. Fair sharing of responsibilities that gives you both quality time with the children and allows you both the opportunity to work and have social lives.

My ex took over the house extended the mortgage, whilst getting legal aid to get a Mesher order so she got the house and I got the debts. Caused a lot of hassle and locked my equity in for years. Now its getting close to the kids reaching 18 and no way she can buy my charge out I am rubbing my hands in glee to see her made homeless. The kids can come live with me.