Ex partners girlfriend in the bath with my children!

[Allalittlebitshit2019]

My young children one boy and one girl aged 5 have told me they have been in the bath with my ex husbands girlfriend. I am beyond shocked!!!!
What would other people think of this? We have a dreadful relationship (due to him being abusive) his girlfriend i dont know at all but i suspect she hates me as much as he does. She has a professional background and should know how this could be seen. She also knows that the children will come home and tell me!!! they have only been together a year.
Anyone been in this situation?

Ok I am the Stepmom and the kids tried to get in with me! It was beyond awkward but how do you politely explain to a 6 year old???.
Seriously I'd just ask what happened as it was have been like my situation which was never repeated!. hopefully there is an explanation

I dont get the impression it was like that tbh, they played in the bath then one child and the adult got out first leaving the second child in the bath.
There is a history of very odd behaviour from their father and his girlfriend, nothing like this before, but their idea of boundaries arnt the same as most normal people. I suspect she thought it was ok.

No they're 5 so old enough to have been told no

I can’t offer you any advice op but I wouldn’t be happy about it either

I would be beyond livid. My ex and myself co parent and get along very well but even so I would be fuming if my DD came home and said she’d shared a bath with my exes girlfriend. It is totally inappropriate and over stepping boundaries.

Nope. This is weird. How did they even fit. I have no advice unfortunately on how to handle this.

What adult actually wants to share a bath with any child hardly a pleasant or relaxing experience!

Their ideas of "normal every day boundaries" are not the same as other peoples, their a very odd couple, hes a very odd man! Not just saying that, wish it wasn't the case. I think they dont care about social boundaries, they do what they believe is correct/ok.

I got the impression they all headed into the bathroom together, so its not as if she was in the bath and both kids jumped in! They would have been in such close proximity they must have been pretty much touching each other!!
What worries me the most is what possesses a grown woman to want to share a bath with 2 young children? She also knows the repercussions of this as she knows about safeguarding (trying not to say too much!) She also knows i would not like it!!!. Me and my ex have been in court several times in the last year, she knows this is a high conflict situation, i would have thought she would have been even more careful, the whole things odd so very odd.
What impression does it give my children? If an adult doesn't set the boundaries of whats appropriate and whats not how can you expect a child to know?

Random. Exactly so why do it?? very odd. Not just one child but 2. One of the opposite sex!!

My conclusion would be that she has done it annoy/frustrate/get at you and to override the DC boundaries

Yuck.

Good grief that's odd. I doubt there's anything untoward in it but it is an unusually provocative thing to do. Perhaps it's been to show your ex how fantastic she is with his kids?

That’s weird and I’d be talking to a solicitor about it. It’s not ok

You're in a tricky situation because you're taking the word of a five year old. Kids aren't exactly the most reliable at that age. I'd be tempted to send an email saying "I've taken this with a grain of salt but the kids said your partner got in the bath with them naked. If this is the case please ensure it doesn't happen again as this isn't ok with me." Then it's in writing and if it happens again I'd take it further.

My DSD used to appear in the shower next to me when she was 3/4 because she liked drawing on the fogged up glass. I honestly didn't think anything of it. If anything it made it quite crowded and I'd have rathered she didn't but I was trying so hard to form a good relationship with her I didn't chuck her out. I just got out myself.

Same DSD now 11 told DH I had road rage. I honked at a car sat at a green light and said "Wakey, wakey". Just saying kids aren't always the most accurate!

My gut tells me its not untoward but i carnt just presume this, i have to safe guard the children. I noticed early on how she allowed her daughters do come to collect my children with my stbx, i know they hadn't know each other long and the drive is a good hour!! She also moved him into her family home with her 2 pre teen girls when she hadn't know him long!! Their relationship appears very full on and intense, i think tbh all the children come second.

I mean would she mind if my stbxh bather with her girls?? I think not!!

Villagecats

YOur correct of course, my 5 year olds arnt that accurate but im pretty certain this happened. If i say anything be it via email etc etc then it will probably happen more often! thats the kind of man he is. There is huge control issues here, he will hate me making suggestions of what is and istn appropriate in his house.

No this was done on per pus they probably dont see the problem with it, which concerns me even more as leaves my children vulnerable as they arnt teaching them good boundaries. Eg you dont bath with adults that arnt your parents!

How did the kids feel about it?

It's not appropriate.

Not just the bathing together, but leaving one child alone at age 5 is way too young! Was s/he in sight all the time?

Is it definite that she was IN the bath with them? Could it be that she was just in the bathroom and helping wash their hair etc? If she was actually having a bath with them then that’s really weird.

I would double check that she was definitely in the bath, not just helping them have a bath. Young kids don't really get language and can sometimes make mistakes like that. To them, saying they have been in the bath with her is the same as she helped them have a bath.

If it's correct, that's just beyond weird.

You need to clarify. They could of walked in on her and splashed her or something as innocent as that.

It would be a tight squeeze if they all got in. Children don't tend to sit still.

Yeah I'd check. My situation was they didn't get in just wanted to chat etc .. was super awfully awkward.
Basically just shouted for dp who thought it was funny (it wasn't) and we now have a lock!
Maybe just check and see what situation was

I have checked and she was deffo in the bath with them deffo. My kids didn't appear to mind,! But thats not the point, the mixed messages from adults is damaging. I teach my children about the pants rule and then as an adult she shares a bath with them. What happens if another adult offers to share a bath with them but their intentions arnt good!
There is no excuse, this is unexceptionable.
Any other situation and i can understand. Its hard when you share your personal space with someone elses young children, they burst in when your on the loo, in the bath or bed. Swimming is also tricky i get it, but to actifly get in the bath with someone elses children is not exceptable. YOu have put yourself in that situation on per pus.

I would never ever get in the bath with anyone else's children, no need whatsoever! I've only ever been in the bath with my own children a handful of times (when I was heavily pregnant and it was super hot so we'd have a cool, hour long bath in the day time 😂)

My eldest 2 have a stepmum and whilst she's not perfect I can honestly say she has never overstepped any boundaries.

If an email won't work then what are you going to do about it?