Being friends with your ex

[redhed30]

Looking for some feedback from others in similar situations. I split up with my ex 6 months ago, we were not married but had been together 10 years. We remained friends for a while, we even got back together for a bit but it didn’t work out. After the 2nd split things became more difficult. We still dealt with the things we needed to regarding house etc but he didn’t really want to talk to me. Eventually things got easier and we tried to be friends again even went out for dinner a few times. Then we had a disagreement over money and he has been very distant since. Still amicable but not what I would call friendly. Part of me wants to try being friends again but the other part of me thinks maybe I should just let it go. We have had minimal contact over the last few weeks, only contacting if we need to.
Has anyone else tried to remain friends after a breakup? Would love to hear other people’s thoughts

Are there any kids?

Yes I have but we let the dust settle for about a year before we started having a friendly text once every few months such as Christmas and birthdays. Now when we see each other through mutual friends say at a wedding, we have a chat and it's friendly. No kids in this scenario.

It’s clearly too fraught for you to be friends.

Doesn’t work in my opinion. The only ex I’ve ever been remotely ‘friendly’ with was the father of my DC. If the split was amicable, and neither have feelings for each other then maybe, but in my experience it doesn’t work. Good luck to those who can though

You both have to have the right personality type for it to be possible I think. Don't think I do sadly.

Or I guess you let a fair amount of time pass so you're both completely over each other and probably both happily with other people.

@YetAnotherUser we were both widows when we met and we have 2 children each. None together. It's actually quite sad that the children have stayed in touch.

Why is it sad that the children have stayed in touch? They are probably close friends and enjoy each other's company.

@choli sorry that should have said they haven't stayed in touch.

I think you at least need time apart for the feelings to settle now.

If you have both genuinely moved on, it is possible but is difficult to go from being romantically involved for 10 years, to splitting up, to getting back together, to splitting up again, to being friends. You can't turn your feelings on and off like that.

I think even after time apart it is very easy to slip back into old dynamics and for old feeling to reemerge.

I think being friends depends on the reason why you broke up. I personally couldn't stay friends as I had too many feelings still.

I would never be that desperate for a friend....

red how old are the DC? If they’re at that funny teenage stage, it can be difficult for them. I can understand why you’d be upset about it though.

The fact you are thinking about being friends means you are holding onto something. Leave it for a long while then see. I can't really see the point in being friends. Being respectful to each other yes but not really friends.

No sorry. If you're trying to hold onto an ex as a friend, if kids aren't involved, it's not going to work. Even with kids involved it doesn't often work. You don't need to be friends and it's always going to be complicated. How will you feel when he eventually finds someone else?

I've remained friends with my ex. It's taken about 2 years for all the dust to settle though and we are actually better friends now than when we were in a relationship, weirdly! Neither of us have feelings for each other, although it took him longer to get to that point. I do think you have to give it some time, it won't happen straight away, 6 months is no time at all really....

You do both have to be totally honest with how you feel though. If one of you has any hope of getting back together, or either one would feel jealous if a new partner was on the scene then I don't think it's gonna work

Good luck!