Complicated - should I reach out to my partner's children?

[oreoxoreo]

Been with my partner for over 2 years, seen his teenager DC for a couple of times only as over time his relationship with his DC deteriorated and apparently his teenager DC do not want to see him anymore. Long story, he's been fighting for his regular contact for years, very acrimonious divorce, some mistakes done by my partner but mostly out of frustration of being excluded from his DC life. He says his ex manipulates his DC, might be partly true, but also as DC want to avoid being in the middle of conflict they chose to cut out their father completely. It has been advised by the court for my partner not to contact his DC unless they contact him first.

DC is 17 and a very clever kid, near adult. Seeing my partner's frustration I am tempted to message DC via FB and try to clarify how they feel, and what can be done for them to want to contact their father again. Just one polite message to say that for the best interest of DC and father I'd like them to find a way to communicate and if I can be on any help, I would. DC know I am a major part of my partner's life, but we just had a couple of small chats in the past.

Good or bad idea?

Bad idea with good intentions.

As much as you’d like to help, this really is down to them to sort out.

If the ex has influenced them, they’re teens and will have their own opinions and they’re not far off being adults who can make their own minds up.

If the courts have put these ‘rules’ in place, don’t get involved.

It could go horribly wrong. I forced a reconciliation of ex DH and his birth father. He had to face their rejection all over again when the novelty wore off and my DS also has had to deal with this subsequent rejection.

Seriously, based on what I know - you will do far better to support your partner through the hurt and to get him to accept the situation over any other idea.

Good luck OP

Sorry but he won't thank you for meddling however well intended.

Definitely not if he’s been advised not to contact them.

My partner is so desperate he would accept any help including me contacting his DC or his ex.
I can see why this is a bad idea, I thought only of a single short message saying I am there if needed for mediation, although I can see that it could go terribly wrong.

Leave well alone

What mistakes has your partner 'done'?

You need to stay out of this, nowone will thank you for getting involved.

It's extremely rare for a court to tell a parent not to even contact their DC. Also your contacting them could be misinterpreted as you acting as his proxy and get him in trouble with court AND further alienate the DC. Leave well alone!

Really not a good idea, sorry.

Really really bad idea. I think it's lovely you want to help but as an (adult) DC who's been caught in rows between in-laws and DPs it just won't help trying to talk them round, it's between them and their DF.

No please don't. I know you mean well but it will make a bad situation much worse.

Just wanted to help.. understood that is better not to get involved. Thank you.

They will be adults soon and I'm sure they and the courts would see through any manipulation.
I'm wondering if you know the whole situation OP, it sounds like your dp did something pretty bad to not be allowed to contact his own children, sorry.

I think there's more to this than you know, and his "mistakes" have been pretty bad. Don't become his flying monkey.

" It has been advised by the court for my partner not to contact his DC unless they contact him first."

Either his 'mistakes' are considerably worse than you've been led to believe, or this is utter rubbish to justify why he hasn't worked harder to have contact with them.