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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH cooking = arguments!

23 replies

tigercub50 · 01/10/2018 11:45

DH doesn’t cook very often but last night he was making an omelette & I was in charge of the chips. All I said to him was that perhaps he could have started the omelette earlier so that it coincided with the chips & he got defensive, saying something like he wouldn’t make it next time. Mature! He has always liked to be left to it in the kitchen but I was trying to help. He said he hadn’t made a big omelette for ages & hadn’t allowed for it taking longer. He wanted to wait until the chips were done so he could use the grill to finish the omelette off but my argument was that he could time it so the chips were done as the omelette was finished ( apart from the grilling). He is very much one for giving me advice, whether I ask for it or not.
He did apologise for his rather childish reaction but it’s so silly! Can anyone identify with this & should I have just left him to it?

OP posts:
Dychmygol · 01/10/2018 11:56

You should have left him to it. I now refuse to cook if DH is home because he's incapable of leaving me get on with the cooking in the way that suits me.

It's interfering and undermining - not remotely helpful. Either let him get on with it or do it yourself.

(I may be projecting a little but you did ask in AIBU)

Dychmygol · 01/10/2018 11:57

I now see you asked in relationships...I blame too little sleep. Need to get off MN! wanders off embarrassed

Bibidy · 01/10/2018 12:00

He didn't need to take it so personally, but at the same time it wasn't a big issue so you could have just left it as well. Just one of those things!

As an aside...what is he doing to the omelette that takes time!? My omelettes are done in about 2 minutes Confused.

AgentJohnson · 01/10/2018 12:22

Leave him to it, micromanaging an adult over something so trivial is pointless. Him micromanaging you is just as not on, as you micromanaging him.

Accept that you aren’t the type of couple that can do these type of activities together without discord.

gamerchick · 01/10/2018 12:22

There is nothing more irritating than people telling you're doing it wrong and hide it behind helping. Leave him alone man, it hardly matters.

If he does it to you in the future you can remind him of this though. Train it out of both of you Wink

whatwouldkeithRichardsdo2 · 01/10/2018 12:44

You say he doesn't cook then he cooks and you berate him and do part of the work for him.

Let him be. So you had the chips earlier than the omelette. Not the end of the world. If you want him to do more, encourage rather than criticize. And this is despite him being annoying and useless in the kitchen. You have to start somewhere.

FiveStoryFire · 01/10/2018 12:47

Yes, you should have left him to it. Stay out of the kitchen next time.

Original poster
tigercub50 · 01/10/2018 12:56

He’s not useless - wish he would cook more often actually as he’s good. It’s just timing issues!

OP posts:
NordicNobody · 01/10/2018 13:08

Definitely too many cooks. An omelette and chips does not need a second adult to help, especially when one of them is telling the other they're doing it wrong. Sorry OP but I'd have snapped at you as well.

My old flat mate was terrible for this, would always want to "help" me cool but in reality just hovered over me trying to take over. In the end we took turns to cook and had designated "head chef" and "sous chef" and the sous chefs only job was to do exactly as they were told with their mouth shut. If you want to cook together I suggest you try this method, otherwise just leave him to it.

Joysmum · 01/10/2018 13:20

Why do you think that he needed to be told the omelette wasn’t ready at the same time as the chips? It’s better to let the chips sit and warm whilst the omelette finishes than the omelette to be overdone.

It’s no wonder he likes to be left alone in the kitchen.

happymummy12345 · 01/10/2018 13:28

You should have left him to it.
Granted my husband is a chef so needs no help anyway, but even if he wasn't, I'd leave him to it

Fairylea · 01/10/2018 13:32

I would be really annoyed if someone tried to tell me how to cook / time something half way through me doing it. You should have just left him to it. If it was a disaster he would have learnt from it!

starfishmummy · 01/10/2018 13:48

We both cook but early on we came to an agreement that we just couldn't both cook together. So whoever is not cooking keep a out of the way

Cawfee · 02/10/2018 06:34

Why couldn’t he do the omlette and the chips? You sound over bearing to be honest

user1492863869 · 02/10/2018 12:03

Maybe you started the chips too early!

Seriously an omelette takes about 5 mins including grilling time. You could have put the chips on a lower shelf (I am assuming intregrated oven / grill). So I think you are in the wrong in interfering

But if you want somebody to take responsibility, don’t hoover around clucking with critical advice. Especially not really valid criticism

Tighnabruaich · 02/10/2018 12:07

You don't need two adults to make omelette and chips, that's how trouble starts!

AdaColeman · 02/10/2018 12:10

You both need more Wine Wine .

Oblomov18 · 02/10/2018 12:46

Ha ha. I don't like 'help' in the kitchen, because no one does it quite like me, as quickly as I want it. So now I just do it all, the whole meal.

And I just let Dh, occasionally, do similar.

Seems to work.

KathDayKnight50 · 02/10/2018 13:15

I can identify with this OP. It's the kind of thing I've said before. I now realise it is the wrong thing to do and I try ever so hard to mind my own business and bite my tongue. Your DH's reply did sound childish to me (kind of thing my DH says too) but maybe that's how they really feel at the time when we are taking their power away. Or something.

Loopytiles · 02/10/2018 13:19

As you both have micromanaging tendencies it’d be better for just one of you to cook the whole meal for an agreed time. If DH often serves meals later than agreed, and this inconveniences you or any DC (my DH does this regularly - grrr!), complain about that rather than his methods!

If you want him to cook more, arrange that with him! Or reduce your cooking for him.

Dobbythesockelf · 02/10/2018 13:29

It has taken me a few years but I have learnt to keep my mouth shut when dh is cooking. Sometimes i still think he is doing something wrong but in reality he is just doing it differently. At first I thought I was being helpful but unreality I really wasn't. If he is cooking then let him get one with it.

LucyMorningStar · 02/10/2018 14:12

I'm most intrigued about what kind of omelette takes longer to be cooked that chips Hmm - genuine curiosity

LucyMorningStar · 02/10/2018 14:13

than chips of course

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