This is about a friendship rather than a romantic relationship but I think this is the most appropriate board. I need advice on a situation that stretches back years. Names are obviously not real.
20 years ago I was part of a close group of friends at university; Becky, Kate, Tina and me. After we left Becky moved abroad for 2 years and then she and I lived together in London, firstly with others then just the two of us. Over that period we went from best friends to not speaking.
Looking back I can see now how bad a place I was in in terms of my mental health. I had taken a breakup really badly and was generally massively unhappy. Manifested itself a lot in a need to control any aspect of my like that I could so I was obsessively clean and tidy and would have made her uncomfortable with my tidying her stuff as well and needing routine on weekends. At the same time she started to become more and more focussed on her appearance and making money. Maybe I was jealous she was becoming more adult more quickly but things like suddenly she wouldn't just come out for a pint, she needed half an hour notice to redo her make up all started to cause friction. So it was a difficult environment. She contributed too, she refused to ever take the bins out because they wpuld spoil her clothes.
She moved out. She didn't speak to me again. I had recurring dreams of reconciliation for years. We met very infrequently at events and she was coldly civil but nothing more.
Tina and Kate and I all stayed friends but they live fairly far away, much nearer Becky's family and so they met up sometimes without me. They used to have weekends away and it really hurt bit I accepted it as they were all nearer to each other it made sense. But really it was Becky had made it plain I wasn't welcome amd if I came she wouldn't. Whereas I would if she did.
Yesterday I saw a FB post where the three of them met up again and had a cake to celebrate 20 years of friendship. I felt like I'd been punched in the guts. I cried three times. I'm crying again now.
Kate gets married next year. I want there to be no atmosphere. I want to be part of the whole group again and not just see Kate and Tina individually.
So I thought I'd write to Becky and ask if she would be ready to bury the hatchet. To apologise for my part in our breakdown and explain it. But I don't know if I'm flogging a dead horse. Was I horrible enough 12 years ago (it has been that long) that I would be unreasonable to get in touch? Should I just accept that I'm never going to get that group back as a group?
I just feel wretched.