Feelings whilst in a relationship

[browndolly10]

Bit of background, been with OH 5 years and have a 18 month old DD. I have always been 100% loyal to OH, but we have faced a few rough patches due to him being unloyal. First occasion we was at breaking point in our relationship, it was around 2 years in and he met and slept with a girl he met at a train station three times. Second occasion was when I was pregnant, he was unsure about going ahead with the pregnancy and left me at 20 weeks and started seeing a co worker for around a month. Swears that nothing happened other than a few kisses as they only ever spent time together at work and on lunch breaks. This seemed to hurt more as I was carrying his child.

Anyway I'll stop babbling. Ever since DD was born he has been great, such an amazing dad I can't fault him one bit. I didn't find out that he had cheated on me until I was 20 weeks pregnant, But because I was so far along in my pregnancy I just felt as if I had started a family with the wrong person and it broke me. Now I feel like I'm just stuck. I love him but I don't feel like I'm in love with him. I don't know if it's just because of how much he hurt me and I've just never fully got over it. But now we have Dd in the equation I feel as if I have to be with him for the sake of her. I always planned to have a perfect loved up family and I don't want to take that away from her

I started a new job a few months ago and I've started to feel feelings for a coworker. It's not even a massive physical attraction, he just makes me laugh so much and I haven't laughed like he makes me in a while. I didn't see him and just immediately fancy him, its just kind of developed. Ive not acted upon anything and my coworker isn't even aware. I would never be unloyal. It's just a crush I think, it will probably pass.. but surely if I'm feeling attracted to someone else then I can't be happy. I just don't know what to do, i know for a fact if I hadn't of been pregnant I would of walked there and then after finding out but now I just feel trapped and don't want to break up our family. We live in a home together and I couldn't afford it alone and couldn't afford my own place either. I feel like such a bad person

I'm so sorry you are in this situation but it seems like you need to end your miserable relationship.

You have been hurt too many times and are closed off from your partner (understandably) so are looking for someone else to love you. That's fine, but end this relationship first so you and your DD can adjust to being just the two of you for a while. If you don't you are more than likely going to end up feeling like a worse person and attracting someone who fancies a vulnerable woman.

Basically my story is similar to you.

Although ex-h problem was going out all night, Being generally EA and insecure/untrusting. This was something that gradually got worth through our couple of years being married even whilst i was pregnant.

Once i started a new job after Mat Leave he started to get really really arsey drinking a lot more/very untrusting and abusive accusing me of having an affair. In the end I got myself wrapped up in a crush/Emotional Affair with a manager at work. I would like to say I regret it but i don't. Eventually Ex-H hacked my phone and saw my google history and went psycho about it giving me the biggest door to walk out of my marriage.

I'm 10000x happier out of my marriage even being a single mum and whilst getting played like a fiddle by this manager at work!

What I would suggest though is be strong enough to leave your relationship for the reasons you mentioned, i tried for months with the same reasons but never went through with it. Now the Emotional Affair is chucked at me at every opportunity because I was caught.

But mostly whatever you do I hope you make you and LO happy as thats all that matters. ❤️

Thank you for the replies, I'm glad neither of you think I'm a bad person for it

I'm no longer angry or upset about what he did, I feel like I've already cried all my tears and now I'm just left feeling nothing. We still get along ok, bicker occasionally but never any big arguments. I feel like I have to force myself to show him affection, I just feel like because I'm so distant from him that he'll only do it again anyway. He says he's a changed person since dd came into the world.

I just feel bad because of how much of a good dad he is and what he's done for us since she came. I don't want to hurt him, even though he has completely broke me and left me numb. I'm much more excited about going to work at the minute than coming home to him..

I feel like another reason I'm left with no option but to stay is because of the stability for dd. I only work 16 hours a week and no way could afford a place of my own, obviously I'd want Dd with me and not her dad but it's her dad that gives us a home parents houses aren't an option as no room. I feel like I'm going to be stuck here at least until dd starts school and I can work full time but I also don't want to just "use" her dad. It's such a tough situation and I feel like if I did move out and leave me and dd in an unstable financial situation that I'd be failing her, I'd be so selfish for doing so.

I feel like should of just stood up to him in the first place instead of giving in but I did desperately want it to work as I didn't want to raise a baby on my own but now I feel like I've left it too long. I wish I had a better excuse to leave I just feel like because I've got a crush on someone that's just a selfish reason to leave, maybe it will pass and I won't feel like this forever

You wouldn't be leaving because you have a crush, you'd be leaving because this is an unhappy relationship and that's a very acceptable and healthy reason.

Exactly @Haireverywhere it's really important to remember that OP you simply cannot leave for your crush

Talking from experience I left my husband because our marriage wasn't worth shit all at the end and i just so happened to have a crush at the same time

You need to leave to make you happy

“It’s funny, when you look at someone with rose-colored glasses all the red flags just kind of seem like flags”

❤️