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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The complete opposite of my ex

7 replies

RAM9191 · 30/09/2018 22:14

Hi,

So I dated my ex for 14 years and things really didn’t end well. Before I dated him I had some pretty strict criteria in terms of his social life. Mind you, I was only 16 at the time.

No smoking/drugs/alcohol
No past relationships (I wanted to be his first)
Not too social

And my ex (he was 16 then too) fitted all this and things were great. And I still haven’t touched alcohol or smoked and never will. But family got involved and things turned bitter and we broke up about a year ago.

I’ve now met a man that I wouldn’t have blinked twice at in the past but somehow... I’m actually falling for him. But he does drink and smokes. He’s highly educated (doing his PhD but my ex had only finished high school) and social and basically the opposite of my ex. I’m slightly annoyed that he drinks and smokes but it doesn’t annoy or bother me as much as it did say a year or two ago.

How can I suddenly change so much for someone?!

OP posts:
RAM9191 · 30/09/2018 22:16

And he’s had a few relationships. Again, would have annoyed me a year ago but now I don’t care.

OP posts:
AtrociousCircumstance · 30/09/2018 22:17

So...you’re surprised you have a different state of mind to that of your sixteen year old self?

RAM9191 · 30/09/2018 22:19

No... to a couple of months ago. Before I met this new guy...

OP posts:
funnylittlefloozie · 30/09/2018 22:25

Perhaps you've grown up a bit, and lost that high school sanctimoniousness thats so tiresome in some teenagers.

Move2WY · 30/09/2018 22:28

Yeah, you’re just growing up.

Its very immature to hold people’s past relationships against them. It’s actually a real benefit to you that your partner has experience of relationships so they can learn from mistakes and grow - same for you.

MollysGirl · 30/09/2018 22:31

I’d not be ok with a smoker, but the rest sounds fine

BackInTheRoom · 01/10/2018 00:30

How can I suddenly change so much for someone?!

Because you're in Limerence and high on the love hormones which make you overlook bad habits, traits and red flags?

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