he wants a divorce; she doesn't

[robinpud]

A very good male friend has decided over the last few months that his marriage has come to its natural end. He does most of the housework, childcare, initiating of social activity etc etc. He is, and has been desperately unhappy for some years. His wife seems unable to change. He is wracked with guilt over it; no one is his family has been divorced but feels that he should be happy and that kids will be ok if they can negotiate things succesfully. Solicitor says not to move out.
So, what does he do now? They have tried counselling but it has only emphasised the gulf between them. She says she won't give him a divorce.
Any practical help- I am not a troll - we are concerned for his mental health. He is beside himself.

eventually he could divorce her on unreasonable behaviour but it takes time (presumably they are not having sex - that counts I believe).

Df not- sleeping in different rooms and have been for some time. I am not sure he can stay in house until they get divorced, but does he have any choices?

pleaee keep this bumped- someone with some sensible advice must be around please?

It doesn't have to be the end. Try reading anything by michele weiner davis. "the divorce remedy" is absolutely brilliant. I am always reccomending it/her. She is very positive and constructive. It's really helped me. Lots of good reviews on amazon. Also her website divorcebusting.com. Good luck.

Well, if the marriage is definitely dead he can divorce her on her unreasonable behaviour whether she likes it or not. His sol. will send a draft petition to her for her views and can weed out any allegations she really doesn't agree with, but her solicitor will advise her not to attempt to defend it, but let it go through.

If she's really bothered about saving face, she can consent to the divorce but state on the acknowledgment of service form that she doesn't accept the allegations.

Doing it this way means he doesn't have to wait till they've been separated for 5 years.

He should definitely not move out till they've negotiated the financial settlement.

Thanks Mumblechum
He can't move out until they have negotiated a financial settlement as all their equity is tied up in the house. How long would it take them to get a divorce on these grounds? Any experts please?

If he sent her a draft petition and statement of arrangements for children today, giving her 14 days to object, he could then issue in court end June, assuming she consents, decree nisi end July, and in theory he could then apply for decree absolute 6 weeks after decree nisi, but he'll be advised not to do so till finances sorted.

Most of my straightforward cases are settled within 6 months (inc. negotiations, drafting consent order and getting it approved by the district judge). It then depends on how long it takes to sell the house if appropriate.

If one of them stays in the house with the kids, it's just a matter of transferring from joint names into a sole name which just takes a couple of weeks assuming everyone's on the ball.

I had no idea divorces could happen so quickly in the UK - not that I'm in the market for another one!

I had a US one that took only 4 months, even with property, and that was only because there's a 90-day mandatory wait in the state of Colorado. We used a mediator as it was amicable and it only cost about $500.

Hope he gets some help.

unsure about UK but in Oz can live in same house (stating reasons - financial children logistic etc) however must be known amongst family and friends that you are no longer a couple - not holidaying together, seperate accounts, not shop together etc .. Both parties MUST be aware that as far as one or the other is concerned they are seperated (write a letter and send it registered post so they ahve to sign for it). After one eyar a divorce can be processed through the court - however in Oz we have only one reason the court recognises "irretreavable breakdown of marital relationship" - which really can mean anything

mumblechum - what excellent advice. We are currently overseas and struggling to give him the support he needs. This sounds like a real lifeline for him. Hopefully they can negotiate things so that it is as (relatively) untraumatic as possible. It will of course be horrible for the whole family in the short term I know.
Thanks for the advice- so grateful