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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

I have three children 2 different dads but I miss my older twos dad.

15 replies

Victorialouise1 · 30/09/2018 19:23

I had not so great relationship when I was younger with my three and four year olds father. I moved on and had a newborn 3 months ago with my partner.. I hadn’t seen my older twos dad for 2 years until the other day and all the feelings come rushing back. My partners now just bugging me and all I think about is my first two children’s dad :( I don’t know what to do. I’m in two minds about it

OP posts:

Babiesarelife · 30/09/2018 19:26

Hi, your youngest is still so young, and adjusting to life with a new baby with your partner can be difficult, does your ex have anything to do with your other children? Please don't rush into anything drastic. Give yourself and your new partner time, your hormones will still be all over- hope your ok

PookieDo · 30/09/2018 19:39

I take it he hasn’t seen his kids all this time either? Where has he been? Prison?

Original poster

Victorialouise1 · 30/09/2018 20:25

He wasn’t brought up with family and in care so he don’t show no affection or anything :( we argue all the time too :(

OP posts:

Original poster

Victorialouise1 · 30/09/2018 20:26

He’s been in prison since my 3 year old was born.. and before that was together on off for 4 years but he was bad to me but also very young. He’s now 24 and by time he’s out will he 26..

OP posts:

HollowTalk · 30/09/2018 20:26

Who do you mean there, the new guy?

Why did you split up with the first one?

Original poster

Victorialouise1 · 30/09/2018 20:26

The kids also last saw there dad January and then on Wednesday as his dad died and was his funeral

OP posts:

Original poster

Victorialouise1 · 30/09/2018 20:32

No my oldest twos dad

OP posts:

MMmomDD · 30/09/2018 20:38

OP - you can’t be for real.
You think the relationship with him broke down because YOU weren’t good at relationships???
He doesn’t care about his kids, he didn’t show you any affection, he is in prison...
Are you thinking that you can, somehow save him with your love? Like in a movie?
Reform the bad boy into a caring prince?

Think of your three kids and look around you home. They need a stable home life. Not a mother running after a lost and hopeless man.

What you saw in him - having run into him now - is the glimpse of the young you. Was he your first love? Sounds like he was.

You miss that hi and that feeling. Life now is mundane and not as exciting. So - you need to grow up and deal with it.
You have three children. Be be the mother they need.

Original poster

Victorialouise1 · 30/09/2018 20:57

I think your rude and need to get off this site. Tour the type of person that makes people commit suicide

OP posts:

dogandrunning · 30/09/2018 21:03

MMmomDD speaks total sense OP.

MMmomDD · 30/09/2018 21:05

OP - get help. See a doctor if you feel suicidal.

When you come to a public forum and ask a question - people will tell you what they think.
If you aren’t prepared to hear a point of view different to yours - then don’t ask questions in a public forum.

But no one in their right mind will see this as a romantic lost love story that you seem to have in your head.
And no one will tell you to break your family to wait for a convict who seems to not care about his kids, or their mother.

As I said - you are responsible for three little people now. Grow up.

Dandybelle · 30/09/2018 21:06

@Victorialouise1 no I'm sorry, I think that @MMmomDD is right.

Your life is probably much, much better now without your ex, you said yourself that he wasn't very nice to you. Newborn days are strange, hormone filled places where feelings run amok. Your ex clearly did a very bad thing to be away in prison for that length of time, and he ultimately placed himself away from watching his children grow up.
It probably was a huge shock to your system to see him, but that doesn't mean you should act upon your feelings. Just concentrate on your new little one and your children and I'm sure you'll find that in the coming weeks your feelings will bubble back down into insignificance.

ReggieKrayDoYouKnowMyName · 30/09/2018 21:14

The whole first love think is what this is. Don’t let him get back into your head, he sounds like bad news.

maddjess · 30/09/2018 21:18

Commit suicide? She was giving great ardvice

Oh dear

Babiesarelife · 30/09/2018 21:19

@Victorialouise1 hope your ok op, I think the other posters are just genuinely looking out for you and your children.
I think if your ex is still serving time in prison he is going to seem maybe different or better in himself while he's inside? If that makes sense, once he comes out he could slip into his old ways and he maybe won't- but don't jeopardise your current relationship and your children's sanity based on that small time you've recently spent with him. Give yourself time.

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