Asking DH to get a vasectomy

[Minniemountain]

Is it a reasonable thing to ask of him? We have a great relationship but I'm nervous of asking him to have an operation.
Facts:

• I've always looked after the contraception.
• I currently have a copper coil and we agreed he would have a vasectomy if it stopped working as I don't like hormonal contraceptives.
• We have a DS and after MC of a planned DC2, decided not to try again.

-I'm 39 and have just started Tamoxifen for 10 years. -If I got pregnant now, I would have to have an abortion due to side effects of Tamoxifen.

I'm unsure of asking him to do this as copper coils are pretty effective and my fertility is unlikely to be brilliant now, so a pregnancy is unlikely.

It's not unreasonable to ask, but it's also not unreasonable for him to say no.

Is there a problem with your coil?

Well, you've clearly discussed it before, as he's already said he might. So yes of course you raise it again, and I hope you get the answer you want.

But, it is his body and his choice, and if he has changed his mind then there is nothing he can do about it (other than use condoms if you want him to take his turn at reversible contraception (though in your circumstances, the higher failure rate may well not appeal)

I hope your treatment goes well and has a good outcome

It's his body and his choice, of course.

However... It's only fair, imo. You have nothing to lose by asking. His reaction would speak volumes to me, I have very limited sympathy for men that straight out refuse a vasectomy.

There's no problem with my coil. It's the old chestnut of "no contraceptive is 100%" and the fact that my doctor told us to use condoms too during my radiotherapy (we are).

After the crap I've been through this year, it occurred to me that an abortion would be horrible. I'm very pro choice btw.

I mentioned it to my husband and he leapt at the chance!! I had the copper coil for about 15 years after a few years of the pill.

I thought it was his turn now and as we don't want anymore kids it makes sense. It shouldn't always be left to the woman!

My dh is booked in next month, I had a horrendous pregnancy with ds2 plus multiple miscarriages.
Alongside this we know we couldn’t afford a third. I am pro choice but would find an abortion very difficult due to our fertility issues and did not want to have to make that decision.
Dh was open to the idea but actually went ahead with the referral following a condom failure, map and a late AF caused me to have a bit of an emotional breakdown in panic.

Mine had one this summer. My contraceptive implant is find but I want a few years just being free of it before the menopause kicks in. DH was fine about it and had no ill effects. As long as your DH is amenable, I'd say go for it and don't give yourself any guilts. Between contraception and childbirth, we endure more than enough of the burden. It's really a small effort in comparison.

Do ensure your DP looks into it properly and is aware that there is an official 10% chance of long term chronic pain or complications, although some studies put this figure at at least 15%.

His body, his choice.

I do object to people using phrases like "it's his turn" or "it's a small effort" and some times "he should man up". It's still surgery, it's still his choice. You are totally reasonable to bring it up but if he says no, he says no.

I have very limited sympathy for men that straight out refuse a vasectomy

Phaedre Why? Any surgery has risks. I'd have to consider it very carefully to undertake a surgery with a 10-15% risk of long term chronic or severe pain which might affect my life for 20, 30, 40 years. Especially when there are other options - and no, I don't mean the woman has to take the decision, just use condoms.

I think it's a reasonable ask Op

DP has one last year

Had no problems

I don't think it's unreasonable. I have a similar situation

We have 2 DCs and very happy with 2 both agreed
I am under 30 he is over so I could not get my tube tied. Suffer on hormonal contraceptives and have had tube removed after an ectopic so would be very nervous under GA after a traumatic experience.

Object all you like, but I qualified it as a small effort in comparison, which it most certainly is compared to the risks and impact of childbirth and contraception. No one is being glib, just giving positive experiences and acknowledging it's obviously his choice.

I do realise I’m in the unlucky 0.001% or similar here, but I strongly advise considering keeping your coil/ consider other methods regardless of his vasectomy decision.

Having recently had the very traumatic situation of a vasectomy failure I would definitely be looking at all options too.

The conversation went: "Please will you think about having a vasectomy. I don't want to have to have an abortion". "I will definitely have a vasectomy."

I'll probably keep my coil until I needs replacing so we have some backup.

My dh had one. It had to be done in hospital but was very straightforward and very little pain. We have 3dc and he suggested it and i agreed

That's great news Op

There is no harm in asking him. The way I see it, you have so far taken all of the responsibility by way of contraception in the relationship. If you explain to him the side affects your medication would have on a pregnancy and the likelyhood of needing an abortion, I am sure he would be more than willing to go for the snip.