Rejected by ex and best friend

[stephnic]

Hi all looking for some help and support. I split with my ex at the beginning of the year. We were having a lot of problems, I wanted to work at things maybe do counselling but he didn’t and he decided to end it. Shortly after we had a very public argument when away for an event. Both of us were to blame neither of us was worse than the other but after this my best friend deleted me from all social media and didn’t talk to me. She however remained friends with my ex and still is. 4 months after the argument I contacted her and we met to talk. I asked why she treated me different to my ex and she said she thought the whole argument was my fault (even though my ex argued with 4 other people at the event). After speaking to her I felt a bit better and she said she would be in touch to go out again. She has been in touch but not to meet again. I have just found out that my ex and his children are going on holiday with her and her husband and children.

I am really struggling to cope that the 2 people I was closest to have completely abandoned me. I miss my ex a lot even though he wasn’t always very nice to me but we were together for 10 years so it is difficult to let go. I am not sure I want to be friends with my ex best friend again but just feel so hurt by what she has done and I can’t seem to get past it.

I get why my ex is going on the holiday. He has 2 teenagers who would probably spend most of their time on phones and he doesn’t really have any one else to go away with.

I need this all to stop going over and over in my mind. I know I should just forget about them and move on but I just can’t seem to stop the pain. Xx

Was the event your best friends party or anything to do with her? If not it sounds rather strange

No we were away for the weekend for her daughters dancing competition. She wasn’t there when we had the argument but heard various versions from other people. Again we were both responsible and my ex partner agrees that she should have treated us both the same.

Sorry that should have said yes!!

We were close as a 4 but mainly due to tme and my friend. My ex and her husband are not close friends they have never even been out on their own.

Might your friend be harbouring jealousy? Jealous of you and this situation is a good excuse for her?

It does sound very strange - I think you are going to have to ask her what's going on. I don't understand why your row has anything to do with her anyway. Perhaps there is something else that has upset her and this was an excuse to let go

I had a good friend. We both got together with a partner at around the same time. Used to socialise collectively with two other couples a lot. My partner very rarely spent time separately with my friend, I still did. When her husband died, she turned to me out of the gang of 8 to help with arrangements, speak the funeral. She had no family other than her elderly mum and two very small children (one just six months). She went through depression, understandably, which I had also been through so was often her "go to" person.

A few years later I split up with my partner - amicably. That first Xmas, my friend invited my ex to spend Xmas Day with them so she wasn't on her own (which she wouldn't have been; she had a brother, whom we had had down to share our Xmas every year for 10 years). No thought about who I'd be spending Xmas with (I have no close family).

I have no idea why she did this, when I'd done so much to support her for so long. Suffice it to say, we're no longer friends.

I have similar in that a friend of mine sided with my ex and I see them out and about all friendly with each other. It really hurts me she has behaved appallingly.

That causes me more pain than the split itself.

I have no answers.

Racmactac I get what you are saying. The situation hurts so much. I have been through hell and my friend abandoned me when I needed her the most.

Backintheroom - you may be on to something there. She did say to me when I moved out that she wished it was her. I told her if she was unhappy that she should do it and not let her husband who adores her waste any more of his life with someone that doesn't really want to be with him as it isn't fair.

Slapbithface - Although we were really close her children were closer to my partners kids and I do wonder whether it was easier for her to what she did with regards to her kids. But I do think that this was unnecessary as she could have worked things out.

ShatnersWig - it is so upsetting that people don't take your feelings into account. I'm not saying that they should think about you before they do anything but if you are close with someone surely they shouldn't want to upset you.