Why do I chose the wrong guy every time??

[mumofthreesmallmen3]

Hi

Just looking for some perspective, have been seeing a guy on and off for over a year now, I know he's not good for me and were never going to be right. It was so good at the beginning but things have spiralled down, and now I let him use me at his beck and call:(

I feel really weak to it, I think of him a lot and I obviously want more, but I do know it's not going to be there is no respect there anymore for Me, I actually feel quite ashamed of how I've let him treat me and I've still always been there for him and even chased him for it! I feel embarassed about it! I've never been like this with anyone else before and wouldn't usually tolerate a lot of crap from men, not in a big head way but I don't have a problem in getting dates and having men chase me so why am I like this with this guy?

We've been so on and off as I fight my feelings for him one minute I say no I'm not being treated like this couple of days later I seem to be begging to be used for sex again and ignored after. I've been on a few dates maybe 4 or 5 with a guy who is really nice when we've been more off and to try take my mind off it and I do like him he's very interested I never have to wonder about him he's sweet and generous he's waited for me basically hasn't put a foot wrong, we haven't slept together yet only a kiss which is unusual for Me, so why do I feel like id still chose the one who isn't nice to me, if he text if probably be really excited and jump through hoops! It's ridiculous I'm nearly 30!

I don't know what i find so attractive about him, when I think rationally there's not a lot of good points, the sex is good but that's about it, hes stingy, he ignores til it suits then has a crap excuse, rarely wants to do much, smokes too much weed, lives at home doesn't take a interest in me or my life and as soon as i go he comes back. I'm starting no contact today and anything he texts I won't answer as I want to be free from it he will necer comitt to me I know but why do I still feel kind of addicted and like it's so hard to say no even though I know full well the following days after i see him i will feel worse than ever knowing i mean so little! And there's nice guys all around me putting the effort in and showing interest but still why would I chose him? Is it low self esteem or something..i can see it clearly sometimes and other times i can't. I want to be excited about Mr nice guy but can't seem to muster it up. Sorry was so long

I would read the website entitled Baggage Reclaim and have counselling for your own self. Low self worth is playing a part here as are other factors.

What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up?. What sort of an example did your parents show you?. Was your dad emotionally unavailable or otherwise absent, did you have to fight all the time to try to get his approval, approval that was always conditional. No-one ever bothered to show you what a mutually respectful relationship was like and you still do not know now. This one you are mired in certainly is not it and you will need to free yourself from him. All this man is doing with you currently is dragging you down with him.

I think you need to give men a wide berth for the time being whilst you learn to love yourself and love your own self for a change. You do not love yourself at all and that is evident by this choice of man now. Such men pick up on all the vibes you send out and use you accordingly.

Could be low esteem, boredom , or just misplaced arrogance - some people like to think they’re the ‘special ‘ one that can finally make the other person change , settle down, stop drinking , step up, get a good job, etc etc , whatever it is that needs fixing

Don’t just ignore his messages, block his number altogether so you’re not tempted or in case he catches you when you’re at a low point. He sounds like a hopeless case anyway, who would want him??!

Go on a few dates with other guys even if you don’t feel like it, give yourself a chance otherwise 10 years down the line you’ll look back and you’ll still be this guys booty call except you won’t have as many options any more. Is that what you want for yourself?

Treat them mean keep them keen! Break away from this guy! You know you deserve more than this, it's why you've posted

I second reading up on Baggage Reclaim. Her book 'Mr unavailable' is also very good.

He's tapping into the part of you that is insecure. It's incredible how it's often the biggest losers among men that manage to have us running around like headless chickens after them! Don't beat yourself up about it

I know.. I am obviously not happy and I've always had quite low self esteem I seem to chop and change between no I'm better than this then wanting it back. I think I'm hanging onto what it was like In the beginning and it was all good, I would like that back but doubt it's possible. I feel like I am really done this time, he just brings so much excitement out in me and I don't know why. The treatments just got worse and worse and in the end I was asking to be used! It's so ridiculous why I want someone who I don't think really even likes me very much he's said some horrible things to me and I've let him round straight after to have sex give me a lecture then ignore me til he feels like It again😑 madness it's gotta stop

Break off all contact with the guy and anyone else whos toxic

Youtube ted talks self love

Go date multiple people. He is out there I promise xx