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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am I being unreasonable asking DH to give me some space?

7 replies

dazedandconfused · 12/06/2007 11:45

We're in a mess. I've had feelings for someone else but didn't act on them. Felt terribly guilty. Now found out that DH then went off and had an affair. He hasn't apologised because says he wouldn't have done it if I hadn't had these feelings for another man. I feel that he's also not acknowledging what I think has gone wrong in the first place, but just wants us to 'get on with it'. He's pushed for us to buy a house - says that we need it regardless of whether we can sort things out between us.

Now I feel terribly confused and I'm finding it hard to sort my head while he's in the same house. I think it's starting to sink in that he's been sleeping with someone else while I've been feeling lonely and isolated looking after the kids. He doesn't seem to think of it as being that significant.

So, I've asked him to go and live somewhere else for a while just so we can both realise what's actually happened. However, I think he is going to say that he will only make a go of it if we can stay living together.

What should I do? I don't want to give up on it but I desperately need some space and time on my own. I'm scared he's just going to leave.

OP posts:
Tortington · 12/06/2007 13:03

you need marriage guidence.

what the person will do is make each of you responsabilt for your own actions - blaming the other person for your actions is not acceptable.

your spilt the beans - it made me angry so thats why i hit you - its your fault

same thought process see?!

warthog · 12/06/2007 13:16

err he definitely can't use the excuse that because you had feelings for another man, he was entitled to sleep with another woman. what complete and utter bullshit.

i think you're fully entitled to some space.

and DON'T buy that house while you're feeling like this. it's the last thing you need.

krib · 12/06/2007 20:01

I think what he did was unforgiveable and I wouldn't give the man house-space .... ever.

It might be worth seeing someone at Relate, but from what you've said he's just looking for an excuse to be unfaithful and a man like that is NOT worth spending any more effort on.

ohsmellyjelly · 12/06/2007 20:10

When did you find this out D&C?

dazedandconfused · 13/06/2007 11:19

Just found out this week, OSJ. DH says that it was a one-off thing with a friend because he was so lonely and I was very distant. He came round last night and I was intending to ask him to go elsewhere while I sort my head out, but he was so distraught that I couldn't do it and he ended up staying (in the living room). Now it's like he's settled back in. I really feel like he needs to stand on his own two feet a bit more. He keeps telling me how he doesn't have any friends etc.

It's making me feel a bit cruel and I don't like myself for how I'm behaving. I still have feelings for this other man which I keep trying to squash but they keep coming back again. DH wants to know if I am still in love with him and I don't know! So confused...

OP posts:
ellis65 · 13/06/2007 11:26

i think you deserve better, and maybe it's time to let him go, he will only hold you back on happiness, PIG!!

hurtwife · 13/06/2007 17:36

Just read what you have posted - you still have feeling for the other man. Now if a man were to post this we would be on his back in no time.

It is not easy - but you MUST be honest with him. He will find it hard but he will get throuhg it - as do many woman on here. But if you give him mixed messages he will not know what to do.

Dont be scared he will go forever - if your relationship is strong it will survive.

I think you need to sit down and tell him the whole truth howwver hard and then live with the consequences.

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