So lonely but can’t reach out

[chocolatecats]

In an entire week, my phone has only had spam texts. Social media dead (I know it’s not rl) and haven’t properly spoken to anybody.

My parents died young. Life has not been easy. I don’t really have happy memories of a carefree youth. I have been successful career wise but it’s something of a poisoned chalice. I don’t really have friends at work and nor can I.

I would love to meet someone but because I am so inexperienced I can’t reach out. I’m scared of dating and sex because I don’t know what I’m doing or what to say. It’s completely new territory and I am 38.

It gets me down so much.

Can you do some volunteer work? Either using your work skills or St John Ambulances train volunteers to work at events. That way you'll be meeting new people. Do-it.org have other opportunities.
Loneliness is the curse of the digital age.

I could. I’ll be totally frank though; I don’t want to. I used to volunteer but I didn’t find it at all conducive to meeting people and it’s yet more work. I think the nature of volunteering is that it’s expected to be pleasurable on some level but it’s pretty demanding to be honest and better suited to people with no current demands on their time or energy levels.

Is there something/a hobby you would like to do? I think that's a great way to make new friends. You could also book yourself on a group holiday like an Exodus holiday (if you've got the spare cash). This led me to discovering Kayaking. I then joined a couple of Kayaking clubs and eventually got together with my partner (the only one I've ever had).

I think it can seem like people have loads of friends and great relationships, but they often don't.
I hope you feel better soon and can get back to sleep. It's hard when things go round and round in your brain.

Thanks.

I don’t think friendships are really what I’m about. I did have friends and on a surface level still do but once they have relationships and children then you slowly drift apart.

It’s more a relationship i need but having never had one I’m useless - on unchartered waters if you like. I’m not complaining about a lack of things to do but at the moment I am set for a very lonely life.

Well you have reached out just now.
I understand not having much opportunity to meet people during a normal day (I was divorced with young children and some days they were the only people I would talk to).
Have you considered online dating? You can think of it as a training opportunity. It might give you the confidence you are lacking in a safe and controlled way (you don't have to meet up) and it will give you something to do.
If you decide to have a go there is lots of different advice on OLD. I would prefer the paid options as most people say that there are more people there that are actually looking for someone.

Why don't you go to a dating agency rather than try OLD, which can be a minefield. At least with an agency, they vet the clients and find suitable matches. Worth a try?

The thing is, a decent relationship often develops out friendships. Either one turns into the other or you meet someone through a friendship group.
Depends on your interests but volunteering to help with park run is a good way to meet people. Not much actual work, loads of people to talk to and people that you see regularly. Or something mostly male like, have a few lessons at a shooting club. The more new environments you go into, the greater chance you have.

Try online dating? X

Wishing you lots of luck whichever avenue you choose