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Original poster

Fertility window closing, what should I do?

12 replies

Canadiangirl85 · 30/09/2018 01:37

I’m 33 and have felt the clock ticking for about a year now. I left a very unhealthy marriage when my dd was a newborn so I can go it alone and have. My dr this year says to me “well you are 33 now so I guess your not having anymore kids”. Now apparently I’m starting perimenopause soon. I’m in a very new relationship like a few months in and he is 6 yrs younger( go me lol). Do I get pregnant right away as I really want another one. Go the donor route because it is so very early on but going well. I don’t know. Didn’t think I would be running out of time at 33 😔. I’m so confused.

OP posts:
Ixnayonthehombre · 30/09/2018 01:43

Tell your boyfriend what the doctor said and that you are going to end the relationship and find a sperm donor because you don't want to miss your last chance, and you don't want to put that pressure on him so soon. Then it's up to him. He'll probably agree to end it, he might insist he wants a baby so soon too.

How does the doctor know this btw? Do you have a medical condition? Or are you over reacting?

MMmomDD · 30/09/2018 01:46

Did your doctor tell you your specific test results showed decreasing egg supply/quality?
Or was it a general comment, given your age?
If the latter - you need another doctor....
If former - freeze some eggs.

I got pregnant with my 1st at 35, and 2nd at 38.
So - at your age, if you are healthy - it’s not yet a cause of having a baby ASAP with a man you hardly know.

As to perimenopause - it’s more that 10years away from your age now. Again, statisticallly and everybody is different....

Hope it works out with your new relationship.

Original poster
Canadiangirl85 · 30/09/2018 02:00

I did tell my bf and he said he will do whatever I want. The dr said that randomly at the time. I have having perimenopausal symptoms. It started with hot flashes before my periods. Cycles are getting shorter and lighter. I’ve had a recent pap, internal ultrasound and blood work to rule out other options.

OP posts:
user14869556378 · 30/09/2018 02:48

It all depends on how you feel about this guy, what his family is like etc etc Try and imagine how it would all work should you have his baby and things not work out between you both. And im not being negative, it could work out ok!

AcrossthePond55 · 30/09/2018 04:10

I did tell my bf and he said he will do whatever I want

I wouldn't have a child with anyone who wasn't 1000% enthusiastic at the idea of becoming a parent. "Whatever you want" is NOT enthusiasm and doesn't bode well. Does he have other children? If so, what is his involvement with them? If he doesn't, remember that the realities of fatherhood can be very shocking to someone who IS excited about parenthood, let alone someone whose attitude is 'whatever'.

How many children do you currently have? Are you ready and able to be a single parent to one more? Because if you aren't you better think twice about having another one.

Original poster
Canadiangirl85 · 30/09/2018 04:59

It was a lengthy conversation. He is enthusiastic telling me he is all in wants to move in, kida, the whole thing. We talked a lot about what that would look like. He has no children. I have one. Yes I am completely fine with doing it again alone. I looked into a donor before but the idea for me just didn’t feel right.
This is the issue precisely I don’t feel ready to make this decision so early on in the relationship but I don’t have much of a choice. I see another specialist in 6 weeks and I am hoping to get some further information regarding my timeline.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 30/09/2018 05:13

If your partner is a good man and there is no abuse in your relationship AND he also wants children, I say go for it. But ONLY if you are realistic that you may end up being a single parent again. But honestly, that can happen to anyone at any time.

flumpybear · 30/09/2018 05:18

Tricky one - I'd see the specialist and talk options like egg freezing
If your BF and you seem keen to go now ush then maybe go with that option ... bit early in this day and age but completely normal 30-40 years ago to start families in early-mid 20's ... you're both older 👍

SD1978 · 30/09/2018 05:18

Ok. Based on no testing, your GP has made a huge assumption and diagnosis. This is bollocks. It's like telling someone who describes PCOS symptoms they will have a hard time conceiving. No actual fertility investigations have been performed. You are 33. The average age of mothers are increasing. Instead of jumping I to being impregnated by a man you've known for a few months on the basis of nothing- get some proper investigation done and then make an informed and not a knee jerk decision

SD1978 · 30/09/2018 05:22

Sorry/ saw you've had some general bloods and will be seeing a specialist- is it a fertility specialist or gynae? I find GP's make comments that they do t have the training to back up and it irritates me greatly. And seems to result in a lot of unplanned pregnancies (mainly young girls) because the go told me it would be hard to so we didn't use protection...... good luck with the further testing. Ultimately it's your choice but I'd be wary of having kids so soon, and if egg degradation is the o my issue, seeing if freezing and using them in a year or two would be an option.

TheStopAndChat · 30/09/2018 06:05

Oh, have a baby for sure OP. The boards are full of woman who decided that having a baby after 5 mins of knowing someone was a grand idea.

Realistically you have years left, there is no need to create some kind of justification for making a stupid decision like that. Having said that though I find it refreshing that are quite open about this rather than packaging it up as an 'accident' if and when it happens

Lauren83 · 30/09/2018 06:07

Sorry if you said in your later posts but have you results for AMH, FSH and AFC? There's a wide range of 'low'. FSH getting high would be the one I would worry about more as the others stay fairly stable, I left a relationship at 31 after a few years of IVF with premature ovarian failure, including own egg and donor egg cycles, I really thought that was it for me and it would be too late to try again by the time I met someone but I did and he knew of my situation early on and he said he wanted to give it a go so after 10 months we had a donor egg cycle and had a little boy. Donor eggs weren't the only option with my results just would have given me a much higher chance of success.

Through my job I look after a lot of people in your situation and we see woman Persuing the donor route whilst in a new relationship and also sometimes starting trying with a new partner straight away

The age factor isn't an issue as I think you have a few more years before you have to move quicker and if your AMH and AFC aren't great I still think another 6-12 months won't make much difference so I would say don't jump down the donor route for now, if your FSH is high I think it may be prudent to move quicker

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