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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Bloody hell

20 replies

Feckers2018 · 29/09/2018 22:33

H has been away all week. I was a bit stressed with work and was looking forward to Friday evening. So he came in and I said I was a bit stressed blah blah and talked about his trip. Then I could do nothing right eg. watching the wrong programme, looked at my phone for 5 mins, etc and began raising his voice. He then began accusing me of things I hadn't done eg putting the phone down on him when he was away. Which I hadn't.
He then made references to my age. Cheeky fecker and it was all getting out of hand. I tried to stay calm but he was obviously goading me. So I watched tv on my own. Again.

Next morning he goes off without telling me to the gym in my car which I needed and then he says its my fault?

Thing is I had booked a really special night that I had booked ages ago. I asked him why he was being so nasty and he denied it and tried to blame me saying I was a smart arse but really I knew nothing. He really didn't give a shit. Phew. So went out with friends today and came back and he carried on saying why don't I stop going on. I wasn't.
Then he went out and bought a takeaway and ate it.
So we couldn't go .I had planned what I was going to wear etc. Not that it was worth going anyway.
my mental health hasn't been so good and for the last six months I was feeling much better. So tonight he watched football yawning.
I presume he didn't want to go then. This makes me sound awful but really I'm not! Rant over.

OP posts:
Seaweed42 · 29/09/2018 22:45

He sounds really rude and horrible.

NotANotMan · 29/09/2018 22:47

He sounds awful! How is he behaving around his phone?

Gemini69 · 29/09/2018 22:55

he sounds like an aggressive arrogant dick OP... how are you able to live with this constant belitting undermining bullshit... you know it's not You right? please say yes... Flowers

Feckers2018 · 29/09/2018 23:08

At the time I'm flummaxed. I just try and stay calm. He tries to make out its me. I get an adrenalin rush then I cant think straight. Cant spell either!

OP posts:
Wellfuckmeinbothears · 29/09/2018 23:10

He sounds horrid. Ltb.

Feckers2018 · 29/09/2018 23:13

know what you mean about his phone. I haven't noticed but I will now.
He also took out £100 the day after we got back from holiday on his lunch hour. I checked his bank account because he was acting so bloody strange.

OP posts:
IdahoJones · 29/09/2018 23:16

That's really not normal or acceptable behaviour from him. He's deflecting from the things that HE is doing and thinking.

I think you need to start planning, tbh, and get a step ahead.

I know it hurts. I'm sorry Flowers

Feckers2018 · 29/09/2018 23:22

So you think he might be up to something? Well thats what I thought. Really no need for it otherwise.

OP posts:
Feckers2018 · 29/09/2018 23:23

I need to get in a position of strength. Geez its so depressing.

OP posts:
Butterymuffin · 29/09/2018 23:26

It does sound like he's pulling away but wants to be able to blame you for it. Staying calm is good. I would also though spend time with supportive family / friends instead of him. Don't hang around to be the person he can blame and niggle at.

Feckers2018 · 29/09/2018 23:31

Yes I know what you mean. I already do this and will carry on. TBH I think he just doesn't like me.

OP posts:
IdahoJones · 29/09/2018 23:48

It must be very destabilising. Hope you can sleep a bit and get some rest at least.

Angelf1sh · 30/09/2018 07:39

It definitely sounds like he’s seeing someone else and deflecting his own behaviour onto you. Sorry op.

Even if I’m wrong about that, why do you want to stay with this guy? He horrible to you and blames you for it, then gaslights you! I can’t understand why you would want that in your life. Especially if your mental health is precarious anyway.

AFistfulofDolores1 · 30/09/2018 12:47

The first thing I thought is that there's someone else. This is typical deflecting/displacement behaviour.

Aprilislonggone · 30/09/2018 12:49

Are you certain he has been where he said he was /who he was with?

BackInTheRoom · 30/09/2018 13:14

@AFistfulofDolores1

The first thing I thought is that there's someone else. This is typical deflecting/displacement behaviour.

This ^^

Feckers2018 · 30/09/2018 15:37

I'm sure it was work. Well he's now convinced himself its all my fault because I got upset and is turning it all on me.

I got drunk last weekend so he saying I'm angry because I'm an alcoholic. Rubbish. He's now saying in a few days you'll be fine.

OP posts:
Bodear · 31/10/2018 06:06

Hey @Feckers2018 how’s it going?

CrazySheepLady · 31/10/2018 11:26

My first thought was that something happened while he was away for the week (other woman?) and he doesn't want to be questioned so is deflecting everything on to you, OP.

hellsbellsmelons · 31/10/2018 12:10

my mental health hasn't been so good and for the last six months
I would imagine this is probably around the time his affair started.
Why are you still with him?
He sounds vile.
He's abusive.
He's nasty
He's a bully
He's gaslighting you

Get out!!!!

And do it fast.
And then do the Womens Aid Freedom Programme!

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