Don't want sex due to "issues" with coil. Dp feeling rejected

[LEMtheoriginal]

Ongoing issues with mirena coil been going on for over a year (more like three) health anxiety and bpd.

Its put me off sex. I like my dp of 25 years touching me etc but it leads to him wanting sex.

I have to have this coil removed and am not sure if another is possible. Have been told its not reliable as contraception as its in wrong place. Inserting it was AGONY and im seeing my dr on thursday to discuss referral to have it inserted under sedation.

I hate condoms. They make me sore.

I am associating sex with worrying symptoms and literally feel nothing when he touches me.

I am on anti depressants that also squash my labido.

I never thought this would happen to me as ive always been highly sexual.

Dp just "tried it on" and i rejected him. It really is a case of its not him its me and he went off muttering to the dog about "no surprise there mate"

He wont consider vasectomy as he is frankly a fucking wuss.

Im scared my body will reject another coil and i dont want to go on the pill.

I actually feel nothing sexually and am worried those feelings will never return. I wonder if i should suggest a prostitute to dp (stupid because i know he wont go down that road) or tell him to find a fwb? I would risk losing him as i think he would become emotionally involved but i am quite frankly of no use to him sexually.

We are however best friends to pretty much the exclusion of all others and have been for 25 years. I dont want to lose that

Gnome im 48 so not really. Also its a lot to ask dp for what another 5 years when you put it that way.

Non surgical vasectomy ?

Trouble is i am not just having the coil for contraception. Its to stop me from getting pmt which makes me mentally unwell

Implant is same hormone though I think, also injection & minipill, are they not an option?

Taking away the fact that you use contraception for hormone control, have you considered natural family planning/withdrawal as a contraceptive?

Been with DH 12 years. Only in the pill for 12 months. Planned ds and then back to natural family planning and withdrawal.

I am 40, DH is 50. Dh knows exactly when to stop. We don't always have PIV sex, if it's mid cycle there are other things you can do. And if your dh knows when it's ok and when it's not and you 100% trust him to withdraw you can have PIV sex with very minimal risk. We have a loving, intimate relationship. We have 'sex' once or twice a week. We can be intimate without PIV sex or him ejaculating into me. I always orgasm as does he. Sex is fab and no one is taking hormonal contraception.

"Sore" sounds a lot better than all those other options so maybe find the right condoms and give it a crack. Worst case, a bit sore. Best case, problem over.

My ex had a vasectomy on the NHS which was a very small hole in the scrotum and causterisation of the vas - no cutting at all. I think it was localised numbing (cream) so no needles either.
He felt mildly wibbly afterwards but was fine after a cup of tea.

Why is sterilisation out at 48? My GP offered to refer me at 48. I declined for various reasons.

The coil is not the only solution to PMT, talk to the GP about other options.

You poor thing OP and your poor husband.

Sex is a big part of a relationship. It doesn't make you a dickhead for wanting it. It does make you a dick though if you mutter under your breath to the dog. Sorry OP but he didn't need to do that.

I think you need to have a long hard think about what you can cope with and what you can't. Are there things you are still willing to do? Hand jobs? Blow jobs? Anything else? Are you okay with him touching you? How about just some really sensual play?

There are lots of ideas. You don't have to have penetrative sex to have a good sex life?

It's perfectly ok to not want any penetration especially when you have a coil. God knows I hated mine! Bloody awful thing! Was glad to be rid of it!
But if you find you're not open to any form of sexual play... then maybe there's more to it than just your coil.

Have a think and do talk to your husband. You sound like you care for him very much so give it a go. See what you can both try... take the pressure off each other

@HipsterAssassin

Implant is same hormone though I think, also injection & minipill, are they not an option?

They are all progesterone, but not all of the same family nor the same doses. I am fatally allergic to the mini pill, but the Merina is fine. Possibly because it's not ingested, but they also said it is a different type of progesterone and a far lower dose.

Time to have a grown up conversation about options. Your DH needs to stop behaving like you can solve all his problems.

Pills are no good at 48.

Condoms? Non-latex, tons of lube?

Non-PIV sex.

Hypnosis, counselling and sedation for him to get a vasectomy?

He can't grumble about a problem that is in his power to solve. I didn't want to give birth but DH couldn't so I sucked it up. I was extremely scared.

I hated my Mirena. I kept it in for far to long. I lost my sex drive, it hurt when we did have sex and I bled constantly. One day I got fed up and went to the local CASH clinic and had it removed. I felt better instantly and started the progesterone only pill which I really didn't want to do. Anyway my sex drive is back and I'm enjoying it again. Other contraceptives are not ideal but far better than that whole experience. Have it taken out OP. Hopefully things will get better for you.

How about skipping PIV and focusing on other sex acts. Both men and women have a lot of ways they can get off. That way you don't have to risk pregnancy and can still enjoy each other.

Have you tried non latex condoms? And different types/amounts of lubricant?

Agree with @CaptSkippy
You don't need to have PIV. It's risky and not doing it for you anyway.
Oral, fingers, toys. Lots of options.

@itsbetterthanabox

Thank you. A couple of years ago I could not have made such a suggestion on a forum without being accused of advocating celibacy.

Withdrawal? Done properly it’s actually very effective and no condone, surgery, hormones

Wouldn't be putting myself through that

DP vasectomy took 18 mins from car park to completion

Best thing he ever did

Also at 48 the chances of getting pregnant are slim to none

No, no, no to withdrawal, my last 2 pregnancy's happened with withdrawal and Dh pulled out in plenty of time. By the sounds of it pregnancy is not an option for you. Is the implant out of the question?

Perimenopause can be tricky for natural methods as ovulation is not regular. And people do get pregnant at 48.

Tell your DP he either gets the snip or no sex until he does. I personally would keep the coil out. Stop worrying about his feelings and give your body and mind the time it needs to recover.

LEM I did a bit of googling.

When not using the mirena coil do you have heavy periods?

I ask because there is some evidence that endometrial ablation (removing lining of the uterus) can have a positive effect on PMS as well as reducing/stopping periods.

I had it done about 4 years ago (at age 47) and havent had a period since. My pre menstrual symptoms also reduced significantly.

Might be something to consider?

I've been on Depo provera for about 10 yrs now and thankfully haven't had a period lasting more than 2 days since.

OP, what do YOU want? Imagine you are single with grown up children (I am -it's glorious) (sorry not sorry)

Antidepressants. Could you try another type? Having no libido is a common sideeffect but ask?