How do I check back in?

[Jeezthisishard]

First time posting and looking for someone who may have been in a similar position, no matter what the outcome.

Long story short, DH and I have been together 15 years, two young children. For several years I've felt it isn't right between us. I've tried to remotivate myself to find the good in our relationship and enjoy it like I once used to but I'm struggling.

I broached this at the beginning of the year, saying I wasn't happy and that I'd been trying for a long time to feel happier but I wasn't getting there alone so needed to do it together. Things have just got worse since. Since speaking of it and no longer having to pretend to be happy I'm withdrawing from the relationship more and want to be out of it more. Weekends with a whole two days ahead of us together are hardest as I'm permanently reminded how I don't want to be here.

Has anyone been in this position and managed to overcome it? To get back on track?

He's a great dad and a lovely man but I can escape this niggle that I've had for years that we aren't suited. I know the ideal would be we would find the contentment we once had and be happy as a unit but can't seem to find the drive or natural desire to fight for it now. I fear I'm too far gone.

Sorry for the long post.

Very fair point. I would probably urge her to leave.

I don't lie in, but I don't really want to in fairness, I'm up mega early in the week so 7 is a lie in to me, it just frustrates me that we don't get going until midday cos he's lounging about but he has got up both days this weekend so perhaps I should have said something sooner. I think that's half my problem - I don't raise stuff!

Sorry - wasn't being vague re childhood, I just didn't want to ramble on too long! I had a lovely childhood, my parents are fab, I have a good relationship with them and my brother.

I will add my marriage did recover but it was the joint therapy that did because there was a safe place to air feelings and someone help unpick misunderstandings. Like your DH feeling his efforts weren't appreciated rather than they were but weren't resolving the real problem. Also my DH was appalling at knowing we needed to talk to each other but being too frightened so avoiding it which the therapist made him accountable to.

The fact you can't talk to each other is HUGE! Fact you don't spend family time together is also huge.

So you already have one thing - he needs to get up at x time at the weekends so you can get out the house as a family. Another would be having a "date" night weekly that you take turns in organising? Or just him? He has to plan half the weekend stuff?

I'd be committed to giving it a good go but he needs to be told that is where you are at and if he doesn't engage it won't work out. I agree with researching a therapist - ring them up chat see who you click with. Tell him it's non negotiable! After a while we went fortnightly.