Can I ask a question?

[Mango88]

Been on here for a while posting about possible emotional abuse from DH. Finally went for a session of couples counselling just to air the issues with a neutral third party. I was really nervous about going whereas he wasn’t but it was me that found it really helpful. At the end of one session she pretty much said that it kept looping back to him & he would benefit from individual counselling rather than the joint. She said as she’d only seen us once together she would be happy to do that.

Straight afterwards he said he’d felt ganged up on in the session & wanted to consider what to do next. Gave it the week & broached subject today. He says he didn’t like her (fair enough) but also that it’s all been turned on him needing to change & nothing about me changing. I’m not saying Im faultless but the problem is his reactions & regardless of circumstances I don’t think he should behave like he does. He’s said he’ll go for a one in one with her but wants me to detail exactly what this ‘behaviour’ is as he doesn’t understand (he does). Is this all part of ongoing manipulation? I’m so confused & feeling anxious all over again 🙁

Many years ago, my now STbXH, took me to counselling to deal with what he called ‘my temper’. It soon became apparent that it all, like you said, looped back to him, felt ganged up. We persevered and he had a lightbulb moment when he heard himself spouting absolute nonsense and more abuse. He vowed to turn around and be a better husband. He was paying lip service, of course. At one point, the counsellor said she can’t help us anymore, he took it as ‘we’re cured, we’re fine’, when it was far from it.
Cut a long story short, the lepard and the spots story became apparent and what it took was me stopping enabling his behaviour. Which he hated.
I am much happier without him.
Save yourself another few years of heartache and abuse and call it a day.

Yeah save yourself the drama and end it with him

Thanks both. He only said he’d go back to that counsellor when I said if he went to someone else I’d like a joint session beforehand otherwise they are only hearing his side of the story. Also, I’m not convinced he would actually go but tell me he was. I think I’ll leave him to set up the individual session with our original but, in the meantime, I’m seeing a solicitor to see what I would be entitled to if we split. He doesn’t know that.