Single parent, money troubles

[Picklesandwiches]

Currently married with a baby under one. Considering leaving the marriage as I’m so fed up. I need advice though please! I haven’t anywhere to live, would I be entitled to any help? I only have a small amount of money put away, only have mum and sister who aren’t financially able to lend me anything. I’m on one year maternity leave, due back next year, child care is so expensive though!
I just don’t know what to do!
Thank you and please don’t judge me, I’m just after a way out.

Sorry you’re having a rough time.

You can use the entitledto calculator to see what benefits you’d qualify for. Your husband would need to pay child support. You can work out how much that would be on the cms website if he’s employed and you know what he earns.

Do you rent or own your home?

It’s his house, he bought it before I came along and I haven’t pushed to get my name out on the mortgage.....I’m stupid I know! I do pay half towards all bills, not that that will make a difference.

I normally work 40 hours per week, but if I leave the marriage then I won’t be able to get to my place of work as it’s in a different town to where I would hopefully go back to living. I’m just so unsure, I’m so confused and can’t afford child care and to work full time and rent a house. His is why I have ended up staying in the marriage.

Can you meet with a solicitor without him knowing? You might be entitled to part of the house, or even stay in it if you are the primary care giver, depending on your personal circumstances. You might also be entitled to spousal maintenance. The court will look to make sure you and your child are ok.

To be honest I can’t afford a solicitor. The small amount of money I do have will have to go towards accommodation.
I do absolutely everything for our little one. The plan was for me not to return to work as oh earns enough for me not to go back. He doesn’t lift a finger when it comes to looking after him. Don’t get me wrong, he is good at the fun things and cuddles, but actual care he doesn’t do as he sees that as my ‘job’.

Also, I don’t want to stay in the house, as I know he won’t keep up the mortgage payments. It’s never really felt like my home as he bought it with his ex

I’m tempted to just go and stay in a bed and breakfast for a few days with little one, turn my phone off and just ‘be’. I only have two friends but even then I can’t speak to them about this.

I’m tempted to just go and stay in a bed and breakfast for a few days with little one, turn my phone off and just ‘be’

Do it if you need space! But if you are taking your baby you need to let your husband know where and have a way to contact you in an emergency

Also, your family can't lend you money, but can they give you other kind of support, as childcare or a place to stay?

I know I’d need to tell him, he would then come after us, begging us to come home. I love my husband so much, but I feel so down with him.
Since little one has come along he hasn’t changed at all, he hasn’t ‘stepped up’ as a parent, he acts like a child himself and needs looking after. I try to imagine us in five years times and just think that I can’t carry on how things are. I’ve told him so many times though and he doesn’t change. Then I think that nobody should have to change in a relationship. But then hidings obviously change when you have a baby.

Things not hidings

Mum is juggling 3 jobs and has already told me she can’t offer childcare. She lives in supported living accommodation so I’m not allowed to stay. Can’t really stay with sister as she has not long had a baby and there’s no space.

Some solicitors offer a free session. I really think you should speak to one before doing anything rash, it will save you money in the long term.

Thank you

Maybe staying in a B&B for a few days would give him the wake-up call he desperately needs.

Could you go part-time? sometimes you are actually better off working less hours and paying for childcare.