If your partner told you they were unhappy in the relationship would you consider seeing a therapist to work on yourself personally? I don't necessarily mean instead of couples counselling but perhaps in addition to it, in order to learn more about yourself and how you function in the world? It strikes me that often, by the time a woman says she's ready for divorce, she's already done a lot of this personal processing and any complaints about the relationship have been ignored/passed over by the man along the way. So that when she says she's ready to leave him, he often only just begins serious processing - if at all. I guess I'm looking to hear that there are men who give a shit. When I got divorced my lawyer told me that in her office 80% of divorces are initiated by women & that 100% of them have a degree of mental health issues. It makes me feel very sad. My own exdh wasn't interested in therapy. He said 'If you've got a problem, that's your problem'. I spent a year in counselling/therapy working on myself before I left. It'd be so nice to hear that there are men out there who would want to do something about it if their wives weren't happy. And I don't mean bending completely to the will of their wives but being able to look at the issues objectively & be willing to work on them.