Cheating or not?

[richdaser]

Hi
I am a bloke but would really like the perspective from a female point of view on the following.
I met someone on earlier this year on FB. We chatted for a while as she was on holiday. We met and the first date went well. We arranged a second date which unfortunately was a disaster. She messaged me to say she didn't feel a spark. I told her I thought this was the case and wished her all the best. Anyway soon after she got in touch to see how I was and that she missed me. I was over the moon as I thought the world of her and was gutted when she binned me off. We agreed to both see each other but take it slowly and see how things went.
We dated for a full month and then finally slept together a month later when she decided she wanted to be with me and she could see a future. Since then we became closer and recently she moved in.
She recently admitted to flings with married men before we got together. I was shocked at this but thought it wasn't a problem as it had happened before we met. However I came across her phone and I read her messages. Yes I know how bad this looks. Anyway there was one from one of the married men she told me about. A few days before we got together fully (ie slept together) it was her birthday and she invited this bloke over. The message left me in no doubt what she was inviting him over for!
So my question is does anyone see this as cheating? I mean in the sense that we were dating but not in a full-time boyfriend/girlfriend relationship? I am angry about this as I feel betrayed.I have enough info on both these blokes she was seeing. Sometimes I feel like shopping them into their wives but what good would it do? Any advice would be great as this is permanently on my mind. I know she hasn't been with anyone since but I feel this whole thing has been a lie.

Yes I do see it as cheating, she's been unfaithful to you, would she be happy with you inviting people you'd slept with over whilst you were trying to get your relationship on track ? She probably wouldn't be happy with it at all, to be honest if I was in your position I would have to leave, maybe have a conversation with her and then see how you feel, whether you could trust her again xx

so this happened prior to her sleeping with you and deciding to make a future with you?

She hasn't done this since you too have been in a committed relationship?

If that is the case, then not cheating. You are judging her though, and the lack of trust you have shown by looking through her phone is worrying.

What does it matter what the strangers on the Internet think?
It’s not going to change how you feel about it.
If you are unhappy - move on, life is too short.

If you want this stranger’s opnion - she was taking it slow to see if she wanted the relationship to proceed further. And it officially kicked off once you slept together.
A little bad taste in sleeping with the other guy as she was figuring it out with you - but people do that.
You weren’t exclusive, or even sleeping together yet. She may have been undecided at that point if she’ll continue with you....

If things are good now - i’d move ahead and judge the actual relationship, not the history pre- relationahop

From experience she will be trouble. She got back in touch with you for an ego boost and because no one at that point was giving her any attention. Sounds like she knows that she's attractive and how to play men to get what she wants. Sleeping with various married men shows she has pretty low morals as it is.

Personally, I wouldn't see it as cheating as you hadn't officially become a boyfriend/ girlfriend but it is really crappy of her to do it.
She doesn't sound trustworthy though, anyone who would sleep with a married man is no good in my view.
I would avoid, she sounds like heartbreak waiting to happen...
Good luck to you

It doesn't matter whether you see it as cheating or not. It is on your mind permanently now and will be foreverrrrrrrrr.

If she wanted sex two days before you slept together, why didn't she call you if you were forming a bond and been seeing each other for a month?

Prior to having sex together, had you ever had a conversation around your expectations regarding sexual contact with others?

If not, then no not cheating. However if you think you will hold this over her head forever then I suggest you put both of you out of your misery and end things.

We can’t say if it’s cheating really because only you know the dynamic of your relationship back then. I was casually seeing my now partner and I wouldn’t have classed anything like that as cheating. However when I met my ex we were pretty committed from the start even though we didn’t say it, we spent all our time together, met family, talked about having a family etc. So it’s really difficult to say.

I think the bigger issue is she ‘missed’ you after two failed dates.. seems more like she couldn’t find anyone else (who wasn’t married) ir felt her body clock was ticking away!

Bloody right it is, I'd be really upset too in your position OP and hope it all works out for you. Maybe just come clean and tell her you looked at her phone and ask her to explain. Honesty is the best place to start a relationship. Good luck

I wonder if this is the guy from a previous thread where the woman asked if it was fine that she had a one night stand after having been on a date with someone, and then got together with the date person. People told her that was fine, although I didn't agree. It's deceptive. If she wanted to be with you, why sleep with someone else? Clearly not that devoted.

I'd call it cheating...she has no issue sleeping with married men. She's not a catch and came back to you as she was at a loose end. You're her Mr. Good enough for now.

Why did she move in so quickly? A random from FB who you really don't know that well