Wife loves someone else, but loves me too..

[Iaws]

Hello everyone,
I need advise.. we were happily married for 10years n young family.
Then my wife started a job n she got emotionally involved with someone there, upto then she even started to love him..
She told me her situation, i helped her cope up, but she wanted to talk to that man to finish this relationship.. but instead it went the otherway to the extent that she want him. Also she don't want to leave us..
Even by full support she is bot coming back mentally to us, living with us but mind is not with us. She wants him. But doesn't want to leave me.
What should i do..?

What do you want? She's treating you like an option not like her priority. Don't let her mess you about like this

Oh what a mess for both of you.
She probably needs to change jobs and focus on fixing your marriage. Are there other issues between you? Have you asked her what it is about this man that she is attracted to?

You start by telling her to move out while you decide what you want. Nothing like a reality check to wake peope up to reality.

At the moment she is under the illusion that you will just put up with her behaviour. Disillusion her.

In life peope have a tendency to value what they can't have higher than what they do have. At the moment she has you, and doesn't value you. Your currency will go up the second she thinks she has lost you.

That said, do you actually want her? It's hard to rebuild a marriage after such a big betrayal. The idea of forgiving and forgetting may seem relatively easy, but in reality it isn't.

Actually i want her,she is the love of my life.. even after such a betrayal i m ready to accept her back and do anything to make our lovely family happy again.. When i explore her a lot , she says she want back to our family, but at the same time she cries of him.. i felt that at least.. but she seems she want him too..
im so confused about her, my decision will remain same.. i will accept her back in all conditions, even that man is not sincere to her, she will ultimately return back to me and i will accept her..
How to get her back? Im showing her my extreme care n love from last 2-3 months since i start noticing ..

How to get her back? Im showing her my extreme care n love from last 2-3 months since i start noticing ..

You're doing the "Pick Me" dance, which will make you much less attractive in her eyes.

Presuming you're not happy with a polyamorous relationship, tell her the marriage is over and she needs to leave. Then be your best self. Turn on your self respect, turn off your need to please her. Stop doing any emotional labour for her. If she comes crying to you about something, you reply "Wow, that sounds tough. Anyway I'm off to work."

She MAY then choose you. She also may not, but in any case you've built yourself up into a stronger person.

I tried this few days before.. instead of coming back she was more away from me..
This is true im desperate to have her back, but i didn't tell her this ..

i will accept her back in all conditions

And that is your downfall.

This is true im desperate to have her back, but i didn't tell her this ..

You don't need to tell her. It's obvious.

Desperation is unattractive and makes you look weak. Your desperation will send her right into his arms.

You need to implement the 180.. but I doubt you're strong enough

180

healinginfidelity.blogspot.co.uk/2014/03/the-180-for-hurt-spouses.html?m=1

You r right.. i will start by introducing my newself to 180 .. lets see how it goes .

She loves you, but only as a friend. She's transferred all her romantic and sexual love to this new man. "Crying" for him as you said. Your marriage sounds like its probably over, to be blunt.

You are being made a fool out of OP. Wake up and ditch her

Its not over yet, not so easily..
Im determined to get her back n i will..
But started 180 already n she noticed the change..

I'm sorry but I wouldn't want to be with someone who wanted to be with someone else.Where is your pride ?

Love of your life .A great love has to be from both sides.You sound infatuated not in love

If she was the love of your life she would love you as you love her. I’m sorry. Tell her to move out while you decide what to do.

I plan to move out n ignore her completely.. what u guys think of it??

Why are you moving out? Surely it should be her moving out - she already has somewhere else to go.

You can't ignore her completey because you have kids. At some level you have to engage, and you must retain contact with your kids.

Moving out and otherwise ignoring her is a good idea. You need space to process this, and she needs to miss you.

I still caution against getting back with her. It's hard to take back a cheater.

You sound like a 10 year old. She doesn’t care what you do. She has her fancy man

I have to get back to kids..
Also i don't want to ruin my kids mind..
We had a serious argument yesterday again, n it sounds that she doesn't want me to go away..
I want to explore it more..
May be we end up in marriage counseling n help from someone perhaps..to save the family..

We agreed for marriage counseling n consulting someone n ready both of us to save family..
Thanks all for ur suggestions..

Hope eveything works out for you

Your are just digging yourself into a deeper hole.
This will also effect how your children view future relationships (would you be happy with your children being treated in such a manner). Your wife is cheating on you . emotionally and probably physically. She doesn't even care enough to pretend and is in fact causing more punishment by pour her angst onto you. You have accepted and you seem to want to carry on doing so but beware I suspect even if it works out well this time, it will happen again and again and at some point she will leave you for good. Be kind to yourself. there is no point loving someone who not only doesn't reciprocate the feelings but actively hurts you. Ask her to leave, change the locks and let her live with her fancy man. You may find it hard but it wont be as painful as the years you will have ahead if you don't.