Husband doesn’t love me anymore and wants to seperate

[Emmalou2018]

I’m in complete bits. My husband of nearly two years told me he doesn’t love me anymore and he wants to separate and get a divorce. I am completely heartbroken by this and can’t sleep eat or function. In tears all the time. Trying to be strong for my girls but I’m seriously struggling and didn’t see this coming 😓 he refuses to discuss it any further won’t give me a valid reason and when I ask if there is someone else (has my suspicions for a while- not worn wedding ring for 6 months. Lack of communication affection, never home or wanting to do anything with me) he says that is laughable and swiftly changed the subject. I asked to see who he was texting on Tuesday night as for three hours he sat there smiling on his phone he refused to show me. He says we need to find seperate living arrangements.

I’m so heartbroken. I entered into this for life and he just doesn’t care isn’t showing any emotion is able to sleep soundly and said Iv to respect his decision and accept it as there is no going back! Why is he able to make that choice yet he won’t listen to me and what I want?
I don’t really know what the point of this was really I just need some advice on what to do now where to go from here and how I’m ever going to be ok again.

There’s nothing you really can do.
My husband of six months did the same thing. In his case there really wasn’t any other woman, he just wanted to be single again. He didn’t care about the pain he caused, the upheaval, or the baby I found out about after he walked out. You just have to let him go if he doesn’t want to talk about it.

Everybody told me my husband would see the light, would come to his senses about what he gave up but as far as I can tell ten months on, he’s happy with his choices. It still breaks my heart but you get a bit better each day.

He's already out the door. Which is awful and heartbreaking and shitty. Because there is someone else.

Protect yourself. First practically. Make sure you and the girls are safe financially. Then emotionally. Don't waste any more tears near him. You won't talk him round so don't try.

I know it's horrible right now but many of us have divorced and are happier.

Oh @Emmalou2018 I'm sorry. I have no advice but despite my DP not being at the final "it's over" stage yet (he likes to do that routine often) I just wanted to say he acts in EXACTLY the same way as your H, it is the most frustrating and heartbreaking position to be put in and like you, I can't cope/function/stop crying. It really is like some form of mental torture and I know that nothing I or anyone else can say will make you feel any better but I'm thinking of you xx

@Emmalou2018 I’m so sorry you are going through this, your husband sounds like a twat, your situation is very similar to my own. My thread is Husbands leaving but won’t say it’s over.

How old are your children? What is your housing situation? Do you have family and friends around to support you?

Please make sure you take care of yourself, try and sleep if you can and remember to eat and drink, I am 10 weeks in to this horrible nightmare, I can say it does get a bit better each day but draw strength from friends, family and here.

Hugs to you

It’s just so horrible. I’m sat there crying all the time whilst he is going to work going out enjoying his life. He makes small talk with me but that’s it. It’s so hard because I gave up everything I had to move to where we live now to be with him. He was so perfect in the beginning made me feel so special took my three girls on as his own as did I with his son and we now share a one year old. He has been different since April may time not notably just little things here and there little small issues which could of been sorted out if he willingly discussed them instead of sweeping them under the carpet. Then he stopped wearing his wedding ring is question him about it and he would use excuses like “it’s too hot it makes my finger sweaty or itch” then he started leaving for work any time from 6am ( he owns his own business would never normally go in untill after 8am) and not returning untill 7/8 sometimes even later. Then he stopped being as affectionate with me stopped communicating as much but had a lot going on at work so I didn’t push him for any answers. Thinking back this was when a new financial director started at his company (a woman)

I just can’t understand why he doesn’t love me anymore. And without him giving me a valid reason. I ask him what his reasons for wanting this are,why does he want to uproot our children,break our family up and all I get is I’m not discussing it I just don’t love you anymore. That just screams to me that he is being unfaithful but he won’t admit it. Just says I don’t need to know yet as it won’t help. (Red flags)

I gave up my lovely rented home to move with him here. I don’t work I stay at home with the children and look after them and the house. He used to transfer me £1000 a month for me to use in what I needed taking the girls out etc that all stopped in march this year and he would just give me £20-30 when I said I needed money to go somewhere 😓 he earns a very good wage he pays all the household bills. I literally have no money at all. We don’t get child benefit as he earns too much. The house we live in now is rented but he is the main tenancy holder. He is at the end of selling a house he brought before we were together that is due to be completed within the next few weeks.
He said we both need to find different living arrangements as I won’t be able to stay here without him here.

I just can’t get my head around the fact he is walking away from us all. Last week it was all fine fast forward to Sunday evening and he tells me this......

I broke down earlier and he cuddled me I stupidly tried to kiss him and the look of horror on his face was insane he pushed me away then tried to cuddle me but I just broke free and have been crying since. He came to bed at 3am and has slept soundly since whilst Iv not slept in god knows how many days. How is he able to do this and expect me to just lay down and accept it. I know I can’t change his mind but why should I accept his decision when he can’t respect me to even go for counselling or talk to me etc.

Sorry for my rambling. I lieterally have no one to talk to 😓 I can’t move back to my home town as my eldest two are at school. My oldest was 6 on Wednesday and has just gone into year one and my four year has just started reception. Then I have a 2.5 year old and our daughter we share is 17months

Oh Emmalou I'm so sorry you are going through this.

It certainly sounds like there's someone else - at least from the way you're describing it, which suggests you believe this too. Either way it doesn't sound as if this can be fixed. I was somewhere similar nearly 20 years ago and reading your post brings it all back.

You and your children are your priority now. Have you got family or friends to support you through the next few months? It will be hard but believe me you WILL come out the other side. I found some online groups helpful too, just for sharing experiences.

I don’t have any friends here unfortunately or family. It’s all his friends and his family. I’m utterly devestated that he could do this to me to us.
I just don’t know how I’m going to get through it. Thankyou x

@Emmalou2018 I really am so sorry to hear that your husband is such a shit, please read my thread #husband leaving but won’t say it’s over, it is very similar.

Emotionally see your doctor and register for some counselling, you will at least have someone to rant atbthrough the week in a safe space about how you feel.

Attend citizens advice bureau for some support around benefits and housing options. You can look on entitled to which is a rough guide to benefits and this may help you. Your Husband will have to pay maintenance for your child, see if you can find any information on any assets he has bike he is out at work and take copies, you said he is about to complete on a property which you would be entitled to some of as you are married.

It took me 9 weeks to make a consultation appointment with the solicitor as kept putting it off, it helped me to know what my H could and could not do regarding finances.

Join your local children center with your youngest, they will be able to offer some support to you and you will meet other parents which will give you some support too.

Spend your time reading through others stories on here, you will notice a theme with the types of partners that leave, I have found it a great support.

Sending hugs to you, stay strong

He is being cruel.Any man who is trying to make a mum with 4 dc homeless/no money for food is devoid of real feelings.

Did you have a quick relationship? Just that you have a 2.5 year old by someone else so assume he did love bombing which you will see is, in hindsight a warning flag. It also suggests he is doing it to the OW right now.

Firstly, stop begging him as it will make him have contempt for you which will hurt you.
Vent on here or write a journal of how you feel.
Your brain is struggling to process his behaviour as the change is dramatic but take it as final that the relationship is over.

Please get some support, woman's aid or CAB so you get help with finances.

Don't rule out moving, if you can get back to where family are that will be the best longterm. Your dc are small so a school change will be fine at this stage.

I am so sorry for you as he has turned ypur world upside down.Know that no "normal" person behaves like this and you are the victim of someone who probadly has a history of similar behaviour. It is so painful but you will get through it and be stronger in the end.

Oh you poor thing, and what a cold, calculating monster he is. I know you are in bits but it is very clear from your comments that he is going to screw you over financially completely- the timing of his announcement, just before he gets the payout from the house he has sold, is a massive red flag. I am sure that this new finance director will be giving him advice that will be to your financial detriment

It is absolutely essential that you get legal advice now - do NOT wait. As you will often read on here, many will give you 30 minutes free but you need to go prepared with an understanding of your current joint financial situation so you use every minute constructively. Others better qualified than me will be along to tell you what information to take.

And start getting together the essential stuff now - any bank statements, copies of tax returns, proof of income etc. Use your phone to take photos of the documents and email them to an email address he has no access to, or to a member of your family. He is highly calculating so you need to try and do all you can protect the interests of you and your DC. He isn't coming back - he is kicking you to the kerb - so you must use get hard-nosed about this. However, it wouldn't surprise me if he has already taken steps to remove any useful documentation...

And go back to your home town! Go and be with your family and get the support you need. The children being in school where you are is irrelevant- they are very young and totally adaptable. People move all the time and there is nothing to hold you there now. Surround yourself and your DC with the love and support of your family. It really will be the best thing to do.

I'm sorry, OP, it's shit but you need to see this for what it is - a man who will go all out to protect his interests and screw you over. I am so very sorry

How are you feeling @Emmalou2018? How have things been for you today?

Hard if I’m honest hun. I’ve contacted a solicitor have a appointment Monday. I have no idea of our finances nor access to his account. He refuses to have a joint account so I have no idea what I’m meant to say Monday. He left for work at 7 got back at 8pm. He has come in and told me is our Tuesday for dinner with a client. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I’m not even going to bring anything up with him anymore as I just get too upset. He is acting like he was before he told me bar affection of any kind I’m just mega confused! Luckily Iv been busy baking for my nieces birthday tomorrow so Iv been distracted but now girls in bed I’m left with my thoughts as usual 😭Thankyou all for your advice I’m sorry I hadn’t replied. I just can’t think straight as you can imagine.

Where are you both sleeping? You need to stop doing his washing, cooking, cleaning for him, if he wants to be single that is the way it shall be.

Request he sleep on the settee until you at able to secure alternative housing for you and the children.

Make yourself a list of all the things you might need to say in your appointment on Monday, it will help you clear your head, things like housing, maintenance, divorce finances?

Take care of yourself, try and rest and draw strength from your children xx