My role is Damage Limitation and I resent it

[MattBerrysHair]

This is a massive vent into the ether because saying it in real life would cause problems. My STBXH is an impulsive selfish dick. He's generally a good dad and I could have a much worse experience as an ex wife, but I'm fed up of being forced into the role of Responsible Parent because he and his fiancée are too impulsive to rein in their excitement and behave like grown ups.

STBXH, it WAS NOT OK to introduce your new girlfriend to our children after knowing her for 5 weeks.

It WAS NOT OK to move your girlfriend into your house that you share with our children every other week after knowing her for 5 months.

It WAS NOT OK to book a wedding before divorce proceedings had begun.

It WAS NOT OK to try and pressure me into agreeing to rush the divorce through because you had a wedding booked.

It WAS NOT OK to tell me I didn't deserve 10k of the 430k you possess because I 'didn't meet your needs' when we were together. Newsflash! My needs weren't met either, it's why we're getting a divorce, dickhead.

And you're supposed to be the neurotypical, responsible, fully abled, reasonable one. Why am I, as an autistic disabled single mother, in the role of damage limitation, soothing our dc through the last minute changes that you and your fiancée force upon them with no warning or preparation on your part. SELFISH. FUCKING. WANKERS.

And breathe....

Mn, Thank you for humouring me. I feel much better. As it turns out the fiancee is really lovely, which is lucky, but my dc still need time to process.

You are so much better off without him. It sucks right now but life will be good

Thank you anne. I'm just stunned that the person I thought I knew best in the world would behave like this. I realise now that I never really knew his capabilities and I'm grateful to be out of it. I'm still stunned though, and expect to be in shock for a good while yet, despite it being 3 and a half years since we separated. Last night I dreamt that he wouldn't sign the divorce papers, which lead to me stabbing him in the hip with a biro. It was a most frustrating yet satisfying dream......

I know what you mean. It can feel like being hatchet faced Flo with her rolling pin while STBXH plays fun loving Andy Capp.

I used to dream my ex would catch smallpox

He didn’t. He met someone online who needed a visa and married her a couple of months later. But I was the crazy one

No DC so I’m spared ever having to see or hear from him. But I hear your pain and all I can say is your children are lucky to have you being strong for them.

Thank you patsy and Anne again. I'm just coming to terms with the notion that this is how it will always be. I will be made to look unreasonable/crazy/bitter, insert whatever negative adjective is required, whilst actually holding everything and every one together because the other grown-ups in this situation will not.

It has been incredibly worthwhile to vent and now I need sleep. Thank you so much 😊

Hope you had a good sleep and that today has been better. Always good to vent, it's better out than in and MN is always good for support. Keep posting if it helps.

How much is he paying you ?

Do you mean maintenance? He pays CM despite us having 50/50 shared residency. I wouldn't be able to financially cope if he didn't pay that. I have kept the family home but he doesn't pay anything towards it and hasn't done since he left, which I'm fine with. I'm very good at budgeting and my income is topped up by universal credit. I have a limited capacity for work due to the autism and depression/anxiety so I earn approx 6k a year and I get PIP too. My earning potential is severely hindered by my autism and mental health, unfortunately.