Why do I behave so badly

[ChampagneBreakfast]

From the outside, I dread what people think.

I dress well, I look good, people tell me I am good looking, but I drink far too much, I get drunk. I sleep with people. I hope it is a secret, but it probably isn't. In the last month, I slept with about 7 guys. One offs. Some I have seen again. Most are married.

What the FUCK am I doing.

I have taken myself away for a week, as my behaviour has got out of control. I haven't had a drink in 5 days (the longest ever, since I was 16).

My daughter is at boarding school so doesn't see my behaviour, but treats me like shit.

I got divorced 5 years ago. I still can't talk about it, otherwise I cry.

I lost my job 3 months ago.

I am half heartedly looking for another.

I need to grow the fk up and stop sleeping around. I am ashamed of the drunken me.

Not everyone agrees with the approach, although it is indisputable their are some big positives, namely a period of abstinence, personal inventory (and looking at your wrong doings and flaws), making amends, and fellowship. However therapy is also marvellous, and there are lots of brilliant CBT programmes and other models that are not to be sneered at. Honestly, AA is not for every body (and don't get too caught up in being abstinent forever, the best take away from that programme is to keep it 'just for today'). Some drinkers have to be abstinent forever, others find a way to moderate eventually, but everyone (and not just alcoholics) can benefit from a period booze-free, and focused on self growth. Whatever way you find it I hope you find a way. We all deserve a second (or more) chance, and believe me there are plenty who have done worse. Xx

Don't beat yourself up this whole 'life' thing is crazy. Try and curb yourself in. for you x

It sounds like you feel as though the drunken sex is hurting you somehow. In itself having sex with available, consenting people when you chose to should not be shameful at all so it is only your own comment that made me wonder that you are feeling harmed by it. You losing your job stood out more. What happened? Honestly please don't beat yourself up. Like someone else said life is hard. You're not going out trying to harm other. Sounds more like you are looking for escape somehow. But in it you are hurting yourself and recognising that. Good luck with everything.

Really solid start, from what you've wrote you could probably still do with some regular emotional support .
My counselor helped me identify cycles and gives me tools to break patterns. She's also like gold standard human - so emotionally intelligent, insightful and patient with me, professional, empathic.
Didn't really think they existed or it would do anything.

i also rang Mind mental health charity about accessing a mental health service this morning
and the people who dealt with my call were ??? Literally Angelic ??? You know when you get floored for a minute by humanity and kindness and remember its a thing. And it's a little bit stunning. Words can't do it justice but they were both soft radiant empaths, in different departments.

Again I thought a help line of any sort was automatically a bit awful but I've been softly stunned. Restored my faith I'm humanity.