Being treat the old fashioned way

[lifesteeth]

I've had a hectic, life changing few weeks and was in need of a nice relaxing weekend. My "partner" never suggests sod all so I took the lead and suggested that we go to the cinema...the film that I've wanted to see for ages has now finished and he also didn't want to go and see pirates so he suggested that we go and see a film he wanted to see....just glad of the night out I agreed, he also suggested that we go for a meal afterwards...nice...

So all last week I was looking foward to the weekend, the kids were due to go to their dads on the saturday night and they were under the impression he was taking them to the cinema, but, for the 4th week running he let them down saying he couldn't afford it so we took them to see a film before they went to his house...DP paid for the tickets and I paid for the drinks/sweets etc.

Anyway on the night we went to the cinema to see our film and DP just stood there whilst I paid for us both I'm skint as it is, he's just being paid and recently bought another xbox so not exactly short of money but since he was my idea to go to cinema I couldnt see how I could complain (despite wanting to).

Anyway afterwards we went for a meal, DP got the most expensive thing on the menu not to mention all the extras that he can never eat...I assumed he was paying for it. Anyway he bill came, it was £30ish...DP just looked at it and said £15 each, that's not bad at all" So I ended up paying for half of that too which I really couldn't afford.

Was it wrong of me to assume he was paying for the meal? we don't see each other often, is it wrong to expect to be treat the old fashioned way where your man takes you out for a meal?

p.s. I understand completely that some of you are sick of me going on about him, I'm just very confused at the moment and never know if its me or him.

Lifesteeth - do you really need to ask - again - whether the way this "man" treats you is wrong ?

This is the umpteenth post of yours where you have given examples of his thoughtlessness, meanness, and immaturity.

And every time, lots of people here agree with your complaints and suggest you deserve much better and that YES, he is being a twat (or whatever).

If it wasn't you, I'd say that most couples either go Dutch on meals, or, take it in turns to treat each other. However, it's pretty insensitive for one half of a couple to choose all the expensive items on a menu and then happily let their other half pay half when they know damn well they're skint. If one half of a couple is much better off it's not unusual for them to contribute more.

However, it is you, and I'd say that this is just yet another example of him being crass and selfish. I am at a loss as to what you get out of all this - he repeatedly makes you unhappy and given you don't live with him, there'd be very few practical complications, if any, in finishing with him.

I don't know, I have finished with him before but he always seems to be able to make me think I'm being unfair, I sometimes wonder if I expect too much and if I finish with him will there really be anyone out there that fits my "ideal" or do I have too much of an idealistic view of "normal" relationships....he somehow gets me thinking like this when I do tell him how I feel.

He's taking the piss out of you bigtime

A "normal" relationship is obviously very subjective as people have different expectations, but yours certainly doesn't sound "ideal".

Of course he tries to persuade you that you're being unfair - because he is onto a nice little cushty number where he makes barely any effort, and, to be crude, has sex on tap at his convenience.

All your posts contain many examples where he is being terribly unfair to YOU.

This "man" isn't anyone's "ideal". Who knows if you'll ever find your ideal - few people do, but most people find someone approaching their ideal eventually. In any case, it's far better to spend some time on your own without being used, than to stay with someone you KNOW is selfish because you're scared of being on your own. Stay with him and you'll stand NO chance of ever finding Mr Ideal.

this man is a nightmare. you deserve better. but you won't get better until you break up with him. take the plunge. you WILL find someone else. he will try and persuade you otherwise, because unlike him, you are a catch.

What does being treated 'old-fashioned' have to do with being treated like shite?

Lifesteeth

I think you could yourself do with sitting with a counsellor to work out why this idiot manchild/cocklodger has such a hold over you. He has a svengali influence over you - you take any old crap from him and are unable to fully finish with him.

Maybe you put up with it because your self esteem and worth are through the floor and you're subconsciously afraid of being on your own.

Whatever the answers are this "partner" and your response to him is not doing your children any favours. We after all learn about relationships first and foremost from our parents. What did you learn from yours?. You need help for your own self to break away from him for good. Any woman with a healthy sense of self worth would not take this type of crap from any man.

Are you still looking for a father figure Lifesteeth?. Sounds like it.

You need help to unravel your past in order to move on from this man and regain a healthy view of men and relationships with them.

from past experience, lifesteeth won't be back on this thread. i hope she reads these posts though.

I do come back to threads warthog...I just sometimes don't know what to say.

Thanks for all the replies, the only reason I asked about this one was that I've seen a few posts on here from people who say a woman should not expect to have her meals paid for her etc and I wondered if I was being harsh.

You know we're still supposed to be saving for this holiday and I know full well that he has been buying xbox games this month...my friend said it's his money and I have no right dictating what he can and can't do with it (which is what he says) so I never know if I'm being too "arsey" about stuff that shouldn't concern me...

Hi Lifesteeth,

Re your comments:-
Thanks for all the replies, the only reason I asked about this one was that I've seen a few posts on here from people who say a woman should not expect to have her meals paid for her etc and I wondered if I was being harsh.

Harsh - in your case never. I think you've been too soft and udnerstanding of him to be honest with you - the guy's a leech. Your case is entirely different from that scenario you describe. You are being used and I think at heart you know this. At least I hope you do.

"You know we're still supposed to be saving for this holiday and I know full well that he has been buying xbox games this month...my friend said it's his money and I have no right dictating what he can and can't do with it (which is what he says) so I never know if I'm being too "arsey" about stuff that shouldn't concern me".

Well if he is too busy spending his cash on xbox games then go on holiday without him!. Take his name off the booking. I thought you were going to give him the boot after this holiday anyway, I wish you would give him the boot NOW tbh with you. Your friend is right in that it is his money - but he is being totally selfish towards you on the few occasions when you are together and expects you to pay his way as well as yours. You do not need such people in your life that leech off you like this. What's all this teaching your children?. You want them to have a relationship like this?. Of course not. Then do something. Take some control back!.

glad you're back

after everything you've told us about this guy, i think you have bent over backwards to accomodate him. so i really don't think you're being harsh or expecting too much. honestly. this guy is seriously taking the piss.

i think your instinct is right, and i'd follow it.

If you want a man who will buy you dinner, he's not the one for you.