Need help please

[Justaguy1]

Ok i posted this in wrong part so here goes again lol

Ok me and my partner have been together for 20 yrs we have 3 children all over 18 i adopted the older 2 not that it should matter but there you go
My partner has had strokes ive nursed her through them.
Last year i found out ahe was cheating kissing men in clubs and admited to oral with a guy she used my oldest child to hide this. I was devastated is an understatement i couldnt deal with it and i left, she begged me and prommised it was over so we started going on date nights again after a couple of months i found her sexting guys on a website i pretended to be someone else and she sent me topless pics.
I confrunted her again and she swore it was becouse i wasnt living in the house she was lonely i tried to understand and said we will work through it.
I went home last week she always hides her phone so when she went to sleep i checked it i found cam conversions and dirty pics sent to this guy again
Im gutted i love this women but she doesnt seem to understand thats talking to men or kissing guys at a club is cheating
Im begining to feel like im going out of my mind
I hate that i felt the need to check her phone
Im not perfect by any way lol but im open and here to talk i just hate texting
I love my family but im stuck on my own she has my youngest my 2 older kids have moved out my son doesnt talk to her i feel this is breaking my family apart
I just need someone to talk to ive lost most of my family over the years
Thanks
Justanotherguy

Clearly she's not going to change if she keeps doing this stuff. You need to split up properly and make a new life for yourself. Put some value on yourself, she has no respect for you

She is only sorry that she has been found out.

i love this women but she doesn't seem to understand that talking to men or kissing guys at a club is cheating
Do you truly believe that she does not understand that sexting/sending explicit pictures to men and snogging random men in clubs is cheating?

You have given her numerous chances she and and she has made no effort to repair your relationship by changing her behaviour so you need to walk away.

The good thing is that as your children are adults then you can continue to have a good healthy relationship with them independent of their mother.

Build a new life for yourself, she doesn't respect you or your relationship. You deserve better.

Total deal-breaker and then you give her chance after chance and she still continues to disrespect you.

Something I post a lot:-

The more chances you give someone
The less respect they’ll start to have for you.
They’ll begin to ignore the standards that you’ve set
Because they’ll know another chance will always be given.
They’re not afraid to lose you because
They know, no matter what, you won’t walk away.
They get comfortable with depending on your forgiveness.
Never let a person get comfortable disrespecting you!

Time for you now.
End this properly and move on with your life.
Find someone who will respect you. This woman clearly doesn't!

This woman is not monogamous and never will be. You need to decide if you are monogamous as a deal breaker, and make your decision accordingly.

Hi justa

Sorry if this seems a bit left field, was her behaviour like this pre a turn in her health?
Just wondering if the series of strokes has somehow changed her mentally
Seems a big change in her character

People who have had brain or head injuries can have huge shifts in their personalities

I was thinking same as guilty. Not making excuses but if she was always faithful and none of this carry on could she have lost the capacity to know whats regular. Seems pretty deviant stuff for someone who was " normal" until recently...if she actually was.

To be honest we had a good relasionship i think
But now i cant be sure we have spoke about getting back together again
Ive asked for a lie detector test im able to afford myself i booked it and she changed her mind and told me yesterday she had sex with a man in his car she met online and gave another a bj
I just feel lost alone i dont want my youngest to know all this so i havnt told her ive asked my oldest not to tell as i dont want to ruin there relasionship
My daughter does visit me and i love our time together but i hate the fact that im telling her lies and her mom is telling her how bad i am for leaving
I have all the proof but again i dont want to hurt my daughter

I think you just have to tell your DD that her mum has done things you can't forgive and leave it at that.
My DD figured out that my ExH had cheated pretty quickly.
Told me was pretty obvious and not exactly 'rocket science' god love her.
And she was 11!!!!!
Your DD probably already has some idea.

Has your 'D'W had any tests at all on her brain?
It really is starting to sound more and more like BPD

Thanks for the replies
Like i said she did change some after the stroke
But she manages to lie and create believable stories to hide her cheating
Ive seen the conversations with these men
I dont think its bpd and to be honest i cant blame the strokes
She comes up with excuses and only admits the truth when i physically show her the evidence
Then she says its my fault i dont show her trust
She also says she DOESNT TRUST ME!!!
I have been sent a conversation she had withone guy planning on leaving me and the kids 7 years ago pre-stroke
She says it was lies to him to keep chat going!!
But i dont believe her he is the one who broke it of as he had a wife and kids too and said he wanted to give his relasionship a go

I have to admit she seems to be having a huge shift in her inhibitions, and seems very out of character.

I understand her behaviour is extremely upsetting to you, but I don't think having lie detector tests is in both of your interests, and might prove to be invalid due to the strokes.

I would be more inclined to speak to her GP