I have posted about this previously under a different name but I am no closer to figuring out how to leave my partner. This morning he has really angered me and I need to do this, but I'm feeling very low myself at the moment and struggling to find a way out.
This morning at breakfast time, my DD1, who is 6, said she felt miserable, bored and sad and that she didn't know what to do with herself. I was talking to her about it and trying to reassure her when my partner (not DD1's dad) came through and overheard her saying that she was miserable and rather than being nice to her, he then said, 'Well if you're going to be like that and go around making ME miserable then you won't have any pudding later.'
I was so shocked I honestly didn't know what to say. I just ignored him and carried and talking to her, gave her a hug and tried to make her feel better. By the time she was ready for school she was happy.
I wish I had said something to him now but I didn't want DD1 to feel like she had caused a row, she is currently being asessed for possible ASD and she has a habit of thinking everything is her fault and overthinking things. She is extremely sensitive and has other behavioural and sensory issure as well. My partner is absolutely shit as dealing with any of her problems. He makes her worse every single time and I think he is the source of a lot of her unhappiness. He always turns things around to how they affect him, as if he is the centre of universe. How he can turn a 6 year old feeling sad in to anger and then threaten to punish her for making HIM feel sad is beyond me. He is unable to see anything from any other perspective than how it affects him.
There is difficulty in me ending the relationship because of DD2 (his child), who he is besotted with. He used to be so good with DD1 before DD2 was born but now DD2 gets all his good bits and DD1 (and me) get all his anger. He is horrible in the way he talks to me sometimes, particularly during debates or arguments, and I can't stand it any more. He talks inappropriately to DD1 and he talks to me like I'm a piece of shit yet I am still here. And I hate it.
I desperately want to leave but I'm scared I won't cope without his help around the house and help with the girls. He takes them to shcool and to the childminder every morning and he does do his fair share of the kitchen stuff. I have a few health issues (balance problems), which can be made worse with stress, so I currently have a couple of weeks off work to see if my condition stablises.
I am also worried about how I would afford to pay rent, I only work part time so I would need housing benefit and I don't know if my landlord would accept it. I would probably need to move somewhere smaller fairly sharpish. It's awkward because currently I pay all the bills and my partner pays the rent, so I'd need to look in to housing benefit straight away. Me and the girls don't have anywhere we can stay locally other than our house so he would need to leave here and I'm scared that he will refuse. The tenancy is in both our names.
Where do I start?!