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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Advice needed

11 replies

Mummytobe2018123 · 27/09/2018 12:25

Long story... where to start 😂...
I’m 19 years old, living with my parents still and my 1 month old... I’ve got mental health problems so that’s to why I haven’t moved out...

I was with my baby’s dad for a year before I got pregnant, my baby was planned for me but not for him. Anyway after finding out I was pregnant he made the grown man choice of telling me “it’s me or the baby...” he was 27 at the time... obvs I said bye to him n cut all contact, when I was 8 weeks pregnant his mum contacted me, crying down the phone saying how he is awful n she hasn’t got contact with him but she still wants to be part of her grandchild’s life... she’s already got full custody of 2 grandkids which belong to him. Anyway she came round to my house once and she cried to me and my parents about how hard work he’s been n how horrible he treats everyone etc, we tell her she’s always more than welcome at any point to come round to my house, she can message and phone us at any point she’s welcome. Anyway 8 months pass and she hadn’t contacted or came round once. Not asked me how my pregnancy is going nothing. I gave birth to him n she told someone else she wants me to add her so she can see photos, not happening. Now she wants to come round and visit him after him being a month old !!! What’s people’s advice please

OP posts:
Aprilshowersnowastorm · 27/09/2018 12:28

Unfortunately when you 'planned' a baby alone that's what you have got. A baby on your own.
I hope you have rl help for your mh issues.

ilooovechristmas · 27/09/2018 12:32

You have mental health problems, you 'planned' a baby but your BF didn't so basically trapped him even though you knew full well he had other children he didn't bother with or have custody of and you still live at home but you want advice on his grandmother ? If I was you I'd let his grandmother have contact with him she didn't have to bother with you whilst you was pregnant to be a good gran to her GC....

BackInTheRoom · 28/09/2018 00:21

Why has his mother got full custody of her GC?

Nondescriptname · 28/09/2018 00:26

Let her come and visit. Find out what she means by "be a part of her grandchild's life".
Don't expect much from her, though. She's got a lot to cope with already with two GC to look after.

category12 · 28/09/2018 06:12

Let her visit.

user1483387154 · 28/09/2018 06:18

Wtf you planned to have a baby without the fathers consent or knowledge? Disgusting behaviour.

As far as the grandmother is concerned let her be part of the child's life when she is ready. It sounds like she has a lot going on herself

MsOliphant · 28/09/2018 06:23

What mental health conditions would lead you to think it’s ok to ‘plan’ a baby at 19 with someone who has already shown no interest in fatherhood?

DianaT1969 · 28/09/2018 07:34

Let her visit and be a part of the child's life on her terms. Don't hold grudges against her. Checking how your feeling during pregnancy wasn't her rile. She doesn't owe you or your child anything. She has a lot on her plate. Don't expect much from her - but she could be a good addition to your child's family circle over the years.

DianaT1969 · 28/09/2018 07:47

*You're not your feeling

DianaT1969 · 28/09/2018 07:48

Ugh iphone keyboard!
*role not rile

Iwantaunicorn · 28/09/2018 07:54

Another one for letting her come round and visit him.

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