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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Need a little more support

13 replies

user1465333936 · 27/09/2018 00:47

Hi I’m ashamed to say I’m back here needing support again. I first posted here under what is aworks after seeing payments to that site on his bank statements nearly every other day for 2yrs and then I found more payments to epoch another payment site for sex webcam sites where men could also chat and meet women. Okay since my last post on here this is how it’s progressed so my partner was using these sites in my front room paying for these women while I payed al, the bills and rent. He had nothing when I met him the bank were demanding payment from him or taking him to court he had no savings nothing I decided to help him by not taking his money so he could get back on his feet only this went on for a long time in the meantime his bank account went up he saved a good few thousand that he put in a savings account also bought bonds and got himself a new car he used to shop in primary but then could afford next and places buying himself expensive footwear and clothing he even gave his daughter four grand for a new car all this achieved throughout me being an idiot and paying the rent and bills myself while buying his food also and that’s how he repaid me by paying prostitues and using webcams in my front room using the electricity that I payed for to charge his comp up so he could sit and do his dirty deed with them yes I know I’m an idiot becouse I let it go after he promised he would never do it again he then thumbprinted his phone. I still didn’t trust him and never have since and it has caused grief so I kept him for six years while he prospered early this year he went and got himself a flat he said he wanted a flat cos he didn’t like where I lived. He knew I was getting a move and said when I move he will move in with me (he furnished his flat spent over three thousand pounds doing this ) then he went and bought himself a new comp and got internet again the deal was he would stay at mine though the week and I would stay at his weekends since he got the flat his attitude to me has got worse when I’m at the flat on a few aoccasions he has caused a rift then says he wants me to go and I don’t hear from him for days all he does when I’m there is sit on his football game or watches films. So over a week ago I’m at his when we got in bed it was late he wanted sex he came up behind me pushed his bits in to me after I said no it’s late and pushed himself in me from behind any way the next morning before going to his mams he wanted oral sex I told him when we get back he said no now we got twenty minutes before we go there undone his trousers and pushed it in my face till I gave in and gave him oral then on the Sunday I asked him if he love doing me and he said course I do and he promised (Iv even got texts from him saying we are forever always and texts saying he loves me ) so he puts on his football and up comes a women on an ad I know this ad takes hi. To sex sites I’m not stupid so I ask him please don’t go on it maybe I shouldn’t have said that but he told me to eff off and wanted me to go I went and I didn’t hea a word from him all week or the next weekend so I text him telling him what we went though with webcams and prostitues you asked me if I wanted you to leave and I said no and I make one comment I regret and we are here like this no contact from you I got a cold text back saying I’m at work all day .does that stop him texting me to put things rite so in my mind I believe he is teyi g to get rid of me but is trying to get me to do his dirty work so he doesn’t look bad he is treating me appallingly and now I won’t hear from him for a week I don’t know what to do I love him and he swears he loves me and we are forever always he text that a few days before this happened why does he do this I don’t understand why he treats me like this if he loves me as much as he says he does why would he treat me like this Iv been nothing but good to him .he never faces me to have sex it’s a,ways from behind or he wants oral sex .i came across a site that said about misogynist men and it sounds just like him I’m so hurt I don’t want to give up on us I wnat to believe what he say she that he loves me and he’s moving in with me when I get a new house im totally lost is he trying to get rid of me or is that how he is please help I can’t sleep I can’t eat properly

OP posts:
user1465333936 · 27/09/2018 00:55

Sorry for the spelling mistakes and I wrote that I asked him if he loved doing me I meant does he love me I’m sorry my heads all over the place I can think straight

OP posts:
curlykaren · 27/09/2018 01:06

FFS leave him. Why the hell would you be trying to have a relationship with this scum bag. He doesn't love you. Get some self respect and MOVE ON!

Nooshoos123 · 27/09/2018 10:29

Please get out of this relationship! Your story is heartbreaking- he is humiliating and abusing you, and will keep doing it if you let him. Talk is cheap, he can say he loves you and that you are “forever always” but look at his actions. THAT IS NOT LOVE. Ending things will be painful, but a lot less painful than living like this. Start today. Post here for support and get help from any friends and family in real life. You deserve so much better! Lots of love x

HereIgoagainxx · 27/09/2018 10:40

Why would you thin thistl is the best you can do? Stop supporting him. Oh my god. Can't believe what I've read. He's an absolute loser.

ZestyMaximus · 27/09/2018 11:01

trying to get me to do his dirty work so he doesn’t look bad

Sponges off you
Ignore you
Prostitutes, sex sites and webcams
Regularly goes no contact with you
Rapes you

He already IS bad OP.

He doesn't 'love you forever' he is happy to have you hang around while he treats you like shit on his shoe forever.

hellsbellsmelons · 27/09/2018 12:07

Contact Womens Aid as a matter of urgency.
You need some serious help and they can help you.
Do it today.
Keep trying, they are very busy!

Bananalanacake · 27/09/2018 12:15

Assuming he's not a teenager if he has an adult dd but he certainly sounds like an immature teen.

user1465333936 · 27/09/2018 12:19

Thankyou everyone Iv read the replies and sobbed reading them zestymaximus I didn’t see how he just constantly takes his sex as rape but now I see it is basically just that is it.Iv sat on The sofa every night and fell asleep off and on living off painkillers to numb the pain to get me by waiting for him to contact me .i have no one.I can’t tell my family I have no support at all I have done nothing but care for him and love him while he prospered I thought he did love me and this was who he was and maybe just maybe he did mean what he constantly tells me .im sat writing here in so much pain if he does contact me he will not even think he has done anything wrong or hurt me that’s what he does he asks me to go for coffee or lunch and just picks up we’re left off as if nothing has happened .thankyou for the support here

OP posts:
whatwillbewillbe03 · 27/09/2018 12:22

His actions are not that of a man who loves and respects you at all. He has rinsed you for everything you are willing to give him.

Please please leave him he is abusing you.

whatwillbewillbe03 · 27/09/2018 12:25

Read Lundy Bancroft - Why does he do that? and follow the Freedom Programme.

His behaviour is disgusting and you do not deserve to be treated that way.

Seaweed42 · 27/09/2018 12:53

Sorry to hear this. He is a user, a freeloader, a rapist, and he is emotionally abusing you. Hopefully you will ring Women's Aid like the other poster said.
He treats you like shit, then lures you in with texts.
He does this to make you dependent on him so he can use your home, your money and worst of all, your body.
Notice the patterns of his texts.

If he wants to punish you he'll go non contact.
When he wants sex, money or something else he'll groom you with nice texts and flattering comments. When he's had his bit, he won't be bothered his arse contacting you. If you look you'll see a pattern there.
He uses your fear of being abandoned and your fear of being alone to get you to do whatever he wants. He knows this and uses it to make you act like a puppet. He's not respecting or loving you.
You deserve respectful treatment like anyone else does. The more you stay with him, the more he'll wear you down and make you feel weak. So it's a vicious circle. Leave him. Best of luck with it.

AnyFucker · 27/09/2018 12:56

No

I refuse to support you staying with this man

ZestyMaximus · 27/09/2018 15:39

I'm so sorry you've been going through this for several years OP. Please call Women's Aid (0808 2000 247) as HellsBellsMelons suggests. They have a great website too.

I really hope you find the strength to leave him and not get reeled back in again when he suddenly announces to you that he's changed. He won't have. He'll just be saying it to get you back and will go back to everything you've listed in your op once you're back under his spell again.

Please keep posting on here if it helps you in any way. We're all here to listen and advise if it helps.

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