Fight or flight...

[Blueeyes91]

I've been with my partner for 5 years. We own our home and have a 6 month old daughter.

A few years ago my dad passed away after a battle with cancer. 2 months after he passed my partner cheated on my... after a lot of arguing I did decide to give him another chance (don't judge).

When I was 12 weeks pregnant I found out my partner had been arranging to have an affair with an ex. He was trying to get her to come to London. I found this out the day before my 12 week scan. When I confronted him he was hugely apologetic and long story short we moved on from it because of my being pregnant.

Now my big sister (33) has now been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. She has a 25% chance of being around for 12 months and a 5% chance for longer.

I spend from 6am to 7pm everyday with my daughter. I cook, clean and look after my daughter without help as family are north. At weekends he hardly helps. Just xboxes a lot.

With him not helping and me feeling overwhelmed and with my sister being so ill I just want to run. I have so much anger brewing at him. I'm scared he'll cheat again because that's what he did when my dad died.

Ive tried to talk to him about how I feel and I just end up feeling worse. I know a lot of people will say I'm stupid for staying anyway. So just don't.
But I dont want what I do next to be something I regret.

Death makes you appreciate how precious every moment of your life is. It is quite normal for you to re-evaluate your life now.

By something I regret do you mean having an affair yourself, divorcing him or something else?

Sorry about your sister

Sorry about everything you have been and are going through.

What do you mean by 'something I regret'? I'm in the camp of everyone deserves a second chance when it comes to a one off encounter if they are remorseful and you love them. But it sounds like he uses affairs to help him escape reality when he can't cope. You're right to feel anxious he'll cheat again unless he's done a LOT of therapy.

Hmm.
Putting aside the death of your father and the serious illness of your sister...
He hasn't been much of a partner, has he? Unfaithful at every opportunity.
Returning to the present situation - do you want to be with your sister? Or do you just want to be free of him? Because clearly, you don't want to live your life expecting his next infidelity. Do you want to move back north?
Think about what would make you happy, bearing in mind you can't change him. Then do that.

Oh goodness. I'd never have an affair. I'd feel too guilty and I'm an awful liar.

I don't want the reason I leave him to be because my sister is ill and fear of what might happen.

I also worry about what it would mean for my LO if I leave him.

I already feel guilty for feeling like this and even considering it!

My family are in Scotland. So if I do leave him I have to get his permission to move my LO across the border.

Really sorry about your dad and now your sister but honestly OP staying with him will not help you one bit; you've let him off twice now; he won't stop, he sees this as you giving him the green light; you can bring your child up very successfully without the worry this man will cheat again because he will, it's who he is; show him and your daughter that you are better than this, you do everything anyway so I am struggling to see what he brings to the table other than worry and humiliation.

You are not stupid, you feel vulnerable and think you need him, once you get him gone you will realise very quickly what a good move it was.

The only thing you will regret is wasting your life with a man who you can't trust and brings nothing positive into your life. And yes, he WILL cheat on you again. Why wouldn't he? He's gotten away with it every time with no consequences. What you really need to think about is that this is going to be the example you set for your daughter, and that will plague her for the rest of her life. She will grow up believing it's normal for your partner to cheat and take her for granted. That's the real tragedy in all this.

Well what if you imagine he could never cheat again? I dunno how, maybe his knob shrivels or something Would you feel happy to spend another 20 years or 40 years with him?

Make your decision based on the reality of now. Sounds like enough reason to leave to me tbh.