Sort of AIBU? Mother, boundaries

[OmegaAntigone]

Brief back story: we had a fall out a few years ago where she accused me of doing something terrible, regarding my eldest. It was completely untrue but she took months to back down and apologise, and we were NC for a year and in that time my marriage was also in a bad place. My DH tried to maintain a relationship with her so the kids could see their Nan but I wasn’t happy about it. She would advise him how to “handle” me and we had another row and I stopped her seeing my children. We made up but I am cautious.

Anyway fast forward a couple of years and I confided in her that DH and I weren’t getting on, he’s working long hours, is ratty with me, and seems to think he’s entitled to treat the place as a hotel blah blah.

I went away last weekend with one of the kids, we were going to leave early and drive through the night but DH decided to go for a pint “as I won’t get out all weekend.” So we were late setting off. DH had the other kids for the two days we were away, and as well as my mother coming over to mind them on the Saturday, so he could work —game— she also offered to babysit on Saturday night so he could go for a pint!
I was furious because part of my going away was so he could see that being at home with the kids as the only adult is no joke and perhaps he might appreciate me more but he doesn’t get chance because my bloody mother steps in!
He knew I would find out and was then on the defensive with me because he knew I would have hated having her babysit! I don’t trust her to do things my way, plus the upstairs was minging and I would have wanted to clean up first.

As predicted he did t tell me she had babysat for him, and then was an arse and decided to go out on Sunday!

I said to my mum why is she helping him go to the pub when he’s bloody out all the time anyway, and she said “well he asked me so I couldn’t say no.”

I realise DH is the villain of the piece and I will deal with that separately, but it would be nice if she thought “would she want me to do this?” instead of coming over, taking over and facilitating my DHs socialising when she knows fine well I wouldn’t have liked it!

I know it was long and rambling but anyone?

I'd guess she agreed because she got extra time with her DDC.

Can't see why you're getting cross about this baby sitting. Is it really your business? Maybe I'm odd but I wouldn't expect to have any control over the relationship between my DH and his MIL.

He asked her to babysit. She agreed. You weren't there. And it's his house too.

It sounds like you're being unreasonable if I'm honest. I think your DH goes out drinking too often, but I don't get why you're so angry at your mum about babysitting. She was doing it all day anyway, and did she know you'd gone away to teach him a lesson?

She came over for a couple of hours in the afternoon and then went home and babysat that night. She knew I wouldn’t have wanted that, and I feel like if EVER there is a side to take, it’s never mine. It’s been like that for years though.

I think you need to ditch your DH to be frank here!
He sounds like a complete and utter waste of space.
What is the point of him exactly?
What does he bring to the table?
Do you work OP?

And your mother is not supporting you, I agree.
But if your lazy, good for nothing DH calls and asks then she is very likely to say yes.
He knows this though!