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Relationships

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Original poster

Should I be offended or a good idea?

43 replies

Meganrb · 25/09/2018 21:46

I posted a few weeks ago about my OH and how I was close to walking due to his laziness and unwillingness to spend time with me and our DS

Well we’ve been talking about the rut we’re in at the moment and I mentioned about needing more time to myself as I am always with DS. After talking for a while OH suggested we live separately for a while. Me and DS in our own place. Now I like the idea of this mainly because I’m sick of living with OH and can see it as a way of escaping the misery I’m in and also seeing if I’m happier alone. OH however sees it as an oppertunity to save more money and after a few years of living apart his idea is to move back together again (when DS is 4).

Now AIBU to be offended that my OH basically wants to ship me out to another house, to look after DS alone, except every other weekend. He doesn’t want us to split up because he says he loves me but he wants some free time (as do I).

Anyway my point being, I want to do it because I don’t want to live with him anymore. He wants to do it because he values saving money over spending time with his family. Or that’s how I feel.

Any ideas? Or thoughts?

OP posts:

Thatstheendofmytether · 25/09/2018 22:36

I don't understand why you don't all live there already then. Tbh I wpuld just split. It's what you wanted in the first place I'm not sure why you would be offended at his suggestion.

hellsbellsmelons · 26/09/2018 10:28

I would agree to the living separately but make it abundantly clear that this is a separation and you won't be waiting around for him to have his cake and eat it and see if he likes it before heading back to you because that hasn't worked out for him and the grass is not greener.

You don't want to be with him so just agree to it and tell him so.
Job done!

Or suggest it as a trial separation and then make it permanent!

Djnoun · 26/09/2018 11:04

There's nothing wrong with living separately if that's what suits you better.

Aprilshowersnowastorm · 26/09/2018 11:06

Imo you will love it and won't want him back!
Can't imagine putting a dc through what he plans though, bit unfair and very confusing!

user14869556378 · 26/09/2018 11:11

I see it as he's saying you and DS go and give him peace then come back once DS is at an easier age or it's a trial seperation. But if you want him gone I'd embrace this moment and treat it as an amicable trial seperation. I'd recommend getting something in writing regardless child support, visitation etc. in case it does go pear shaped.

Racecardriver · 26/09/2018 11:18

If money is the issue why don't you all move to this property your parents own?

Ginger1982 · 26/09/2018 11:20

This ^^

cakecakecheese · 26/09/2018 11:24

Well this sounds marvellous for him, he can be even lazier than he currently is but without you there to complain about his laziness. I do think you should move though as it sounds like you'll get help and support from your family but I wouldn't agree to him ever moving back in unless he can prove he's changed.

Poulnabron · 26/09/2018 11:25

This. Because I don't see why you should essentially be a single parent because your DH is to lazy to co-parent his child while living under the same roof. He's basically saying 'Look, you do the hard graft of parenting, and I'll be Disney Dad EOW', under the guise of saving money, whereas in fact he just fancies being single and childfree again without having to pay child maintenance.

SandAndSea · 26/09/2018 11:32

Work out what you want. Take it from there.

Ceilingrose · 26/09/2018 11:37

Sand and Sea has it!

Trinity66 · 26/09/2018 12:42

Is he planning on paying towards your son or is expecting you to cover all that?

Adora10 · 26/09/2018 14:04

Don't get any of it, you will surely be worse off financially, he wants you to have sole responsibility of child whilst he swans in now and again so how is that fixing your issue of him being a lazy git and not spending time with you or your child; sounds like he wants a single life but jump back in to play daddy on a part time basis, what a joke, just bloody split from him, he sounds horrible.

BlingLoving · 26/09/2018 14:09

This isn't a relationship. He wants to live separately and doesn't want to work with you. I'd move out, and accept that you're now single. You and Ds can have a nice life. Insist that he contributes sufficiently financially and in terms of time with the DC. Good luck. Sounds like the best thing that could happen for you.

whynot93 · 26/09/2018 14:14

My red flag radar is waving here.. 4 years living separately. What exactly do you think he's going to do, save every penny and sit in watching tv every night. Trust me as someone who's just spent 2 years looking after to kids alone while her husband worked away to save for our future .. the ending won't be good. Separate officially but have something in writing.

Adora10 · 26/09/2018 14:17

He wants to do it because he values saving money

No, he wants to do it because he gets the life of riley and yes you should be massively offended, he's basically telling you he wants to do even less than what he is doing which is pretty much nothing, tell him you are leaving him for good if you have any sense, what's wrong with the women on here today putting up with absolute shit men!

Bluntness100 · 26/09/2018 18:01

I really don't understand how the solution to him being lazy and not wanting to spend time with his kid, is resolved by his suggestion thr op becomes a single parent and he has custody every other weekend.

I also don't still get the whole financials thing, if this isn't benefits fraud, then it's just the guy wants to split up.

ineedtostopbeingsolazy · 27/09/2018 13:16

He's lazy and doesn't want to spend time with you or ds and you need more time on your own. So his solution to this is living separately so he hardly sees you or ds at all and you are effectively a single parent and so get no free time

I think you need to move out and make a life for yourself without this man.

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