I feel like I'm responsible for everything!!!!

[Whatwhatt]

I'm over dramatic about this particular situation but it's annoyed me so much.

Me and DP live together and have 2 cats (it's relevant I promise!)

I work miles from home so DP does have to take responsibility if the pets need to visit the vet. He is self employed and his work space is close to home.

Both of the cats had appointments today for boosters. I told DP about it around 2 weeks ago. The appointments are after 5pm so not mid day. He would usually already be home by that time. All fine, he says no problem. I ask him is he sure does he want me to arrange another day etc... And he says no it's fine.

I ask him a few times after could he let me know it he needs to rearrange etc.. but he insists it's fine. I only ask because he works for himself and never has any brain space for anything other than his business. He has a lot on so I need to remind him often about things that aren't involved with his work.

Anyway fast forward to today and low and behold he's forgotten to take then. Or actually he did get home in time but tells me he isn't messing around doing this, he's never doing this again, he's been running around all day doing x y and z for work etc ...

It's only small in comparison but I'm so annoyed! This isn't the first time I've felt like anything that isn't about his work is my responsibility. I'm the one who has to think 'we need to go shopping' or 'we need to buy so and so ', 'we've got that wedding this weekend', 'we need to arrange x y or z' and then I'm always the one to take the lead and sort it.

I've even taken to arranging his stuff with HMRC because he's so preoccupied with work and I'm scared it won't get done if I don't.

I love him he's amazing with everything else and I know this isnt a great deal but it's just so infuriating.

I asked him over and over to tell me if it was too much and he told me over and over it wasn't. And now we're probably hqve two times to pay for missing the appointments.

I feel like everything to do with our lives outside of his work is up to me to sort out. I know it's stressful for him but I just wish he'd say before hand.

I sound silly going on about cats now don't I!

OP I've been there, he isn't stressed and too busy. It's something he doesn't want on his plate and therefore you're ending up with it and the mental load of dealing with it.

Seriously though, it's HIS business. His responsibility. What would he do if you weren't around? Oh that's right, he would have to do it himself or pay someone else to do it for him. That's what accountants are paid very well for.

You need to put your foot down. I did 10 years of this and it started off as 'I don't mind it's helping us both' and it ended with being a general dogsbody and emotional punchbag. It's not worth it

Hi OP. You may think the posters saying dump him are over reacting but honestly they’re not. This is the kind if thing that causes so much resentment

Do you want kids? If so dump him now and find an adult to be their father. If not set up boundaries together and in 6 months if he’s not sticking to them move on. It’s really not worth the stress it causes you.

He needs to find a way to deal with his stress and still function

Read this:
english.emmaclit.com/2017/05/20/you-shouldve-asked/

Okay so he does household tasks, but it sounds like the mental load is all on you. That's not fair, it really isn't.

I think he'd benefit from some kind of help for his mental health. If he feels that overwhelmed regularly, something has to change, whether that's the workload he takes on in business or how he copes. Maybe it's time he had a VA, or coaching or counselling.

What will help both of you is for you to have clear boundaries. Tell him now you're not doing his tax return, so he has loads of time to rearrange. If he's not VAT registered I hear the penalties for being late with your tax return aren't that bad (don't trust me on that, its just what an accountant friend told me when I was stressing about getting mine done in time! I always have done) so don't tell him that but don't panic either. Tell him he needs to rearrange the cats vaccs pronto and get it done that time.

Let him drop a few balls until he realises you aren't going to catch them any more, and you'll not be partaking in any blame games or shouting matches. If he asks for your help with something well in advance, that's different.