What would you do in my situation ?

[OopsImoaningagain]

I just got a phone call from the company I used to work before, saying that a lady tried to contact me and they didnt want to give me my home number.

She tried to contact me because she wants me to witness against her boyfriend (probably ex now) who is also my exbh (we split up 5 years ago). I know this guy is crazy and violent, a bully...I left him before it got completely out of hand...and I met my lovely dh and we have 2 lovely kids and we are happy...this girl is less lucky but I have tried many times to warn her against him and she alwais got back to him...

tbh I'm too scared to get involved if I didn't have any kids, that will be different. Does it make me a bad person, a coward ? This man is awful, really really awful.

it does not make you a bad person, no.

I want to get all moral and tell you that it is your civic duty to be a witness against this man, but in all honesty, I wouldn't do it, so I'm not going to even consider telling you that you should.

Well done for getting away from him.

You have warned her against him on numerous occassions, but SHE always decided to go back to him.

If you choose you can always meet up with her and let her tell you her story and hear her arguments as to why she thinks you should be a witness. You can then decide to support her or explain to her why it is too big a risk at this moment in your life.

I don't think you are being unreasonable for not wanting to do this. You have your children to think of.

What does your husband say to it?

you have to think of your and your family safety now steer clear mate, its a difficult one as he needs to be brought to justice but as he is violent i would just steer well clear

i'd cut this one a wide berth, tbh.

I agree with the others - you need to put yourself and your family before her.

Agree with the others tbh.

disagree.

Put this bastard away. This woman has had the courage to take action against this brutal man and your evidence may be just what it takes.

If you don't give evidence how many more women are going to be conned by his sweet talking?

Can't you at least talk to the police and see how much protection you would be offered if you testified? Cases like this are so difficult to win without corroborating testimony.

I can quite see why you would not want to, though.

but I should add that nobody could possibly judge you the worse if you decided not to give evidence. God knows what I'd do in your shoes.

could the evidence be given in a written statement rather than court appearance? Can your address be kept confidential?

Thank you for your all your replies :

You are going to understand why I'm scared, please see below mail I got from this girl :

"as you know we broke up but i was staying with him until he found someone for the other room in the house so he could pay his rent. He has no money and i was staying to help him out. But he got back from Italy a week ago and has forced me to have sex, he has hit me twice and not allowed me to go out the house.

On sunday after he tried to have sex with me, i picked up his phone and it was a girl from Italy, she said she was his girlfriend. she met him 4 weeks ago, 4 weeks ago he told me he was depressed he wanted to die, i mustnt tell anyone, he was lying, because he was out with this girl, he said he only told me that to getme off his back,, he didnt really want to die, i was worried sick about him and he was lying!. I spoke to this girl and told her he was trying to force me to have sex with me, telling me a part of him still loves me and misses me, he heared me and went crazy, he said he loves this girl, he took my phone from me, hurt me and didnt let me out of the house for 2 hrs incase she founf out the truth even more, he was scared of losing her!I was suffering and he phoned her in front of me, to lie....yet after the phone call he said he would leave her for me........

my friend couldnt find me so she called the police, they saw the bruises, they took him to jail, and today after his girlfriend phoned me and told me all the horrible things he did, i decided to press charges.

I will not involve you if you do not want me to, i understand fully. Even now its too traumatic for me , i have to go back to police tomorrow and tell them the whole story, im thinking of backing out of this, it hurts to much retelling the story.im am tired and feel very depressed".

Why does she need your evidence? I'd get in touch with her - meet her at a neutral venue such as a cafe - and ask her that.

She says she doesnt mind if I dont get involve and yes I d rather not even if I feel like a coward.

Jesus. What an evil, cowardly little scumbag he is. Glad you got away and understand you not wanting to be involved. Hope her evidence is enough - can you suggest she contacts Women's Aid or Refuge for support?

That sounds like a very reasonable email. Maybe you could talk to her and find out what is happening.

She needs my evidence because to me too he has been violent...but I d rather forget and it was not bad as her..DH and I saw him once a month ago..he looked so scary...He's mental, he says horrible stuff...

What does your dh say?

He's really sad for her but will prefer if I dont get involve and as the majority think the same, I'm not going to get involve...Thank you for your help !!

Tell her (without giving her any more means to contact you than she already has) that IF the police need a statement from you, you will consider talking directly to the police, and that the police should contact you.

But, it was 5 years ago, you haven't witnessed anything of what she says now, so don't involve yourself, via her, iyswim.

Agree with blu

Also agree with Blu, very sensible post.

yup - what blue says. don't talk to her, don't get involved with her any further.