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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I need advice..

14 replies

Bel04 · 25/09/2018 15:44

Hi all. This last year all my relationships seem to have broken down and I don't know what to do. I became very ill in January. Following this my partner and I separated. All of my family seem angry with me for being ill and are not supportive. My mum keeps telling me I am wasting money on private Drs appointments, that I am lying about being in pain and to just get a job. What I'm told I have is Interstitial cystitis. It's actually listed as more painful than stage four cancer and at my last appointment I was told that my acidic urine is burning the inside of my bladder because there are holes in my bladder lining. Or in simple turns, I'm being burned from the inside out. As one can imagine, it's VERY painful and I'm often bought to tears. It stops me getting any restful sleep. My father makes the same accusations about me not really being in pain despite having actually been present at this last consultation. He's blocked my number and only came as my grandmother asked him to. He says my illness is too stressful for him to deal with. My paternal grandparents also will not speak to me and neither will my aunts. Most recently my uncle was there for me but when I spent a few nights with him at his house he was drinking (he drinks a lot, a whole bottle of jack daniels to himself in an evening is the norm) and started telling me about a time he bit part of another mans face off with his teeth! His then girlfriend was with him. He told me he grabbed her and dragged her away, and demonstrated in me. I now have bruises. He also called me some nasty things in the same evening. When I told him over text that he'd bruised my arm and I was cross with him he proceeded to tell me he never wants to speak to me again and called me poison! My brother also will not speak to me but he is quite young and has always been very quiet. Some of my friends also don't reply to texts anymore when I ask how they are etc. My Nan seems to have sided with my uncle and says he is "very upset." I am baffled really. Am I doing something wrong? Please help me, I'm losing everyone. I'm in constant pain and I can't sleep. Medically I feel that I've hit a brick wall and I'm sad all the time. I just want someone to give me a hug and tell me it's all gonna be ok if I'm being honest.

OP posts:
IneedahugandIcanthaveone · 25/09/2018 15:51

I think you need to focus on your health. The stress of what is happening with people around you will not improve that. Once you are better in yourself you can focus on the people who have let you down.

Have you sought advice on here regarding potential solutions to your health issues? There must be people who can help or have been through similar.

I'm also in need of a hug today so have one from me.

Bel04 · 25/09/2018 15:56

Well I'm doing all I can. I'm currently in the care of Professor Malone Lee who diagnosed me with a chronic infection and has me in long term antibiotics. I've been seeing him for months but have seen no improvement. He says it could take up to a year but I am in a lot of pain and can't sleep. He won't prescribe pain killers and all the GP can do is give me cocodomal which makes me throw up. It's also very expensive and I can't work due to my illness. Other Drs think I have Interstitial Cystitis which is life long. They've offered me instillations over a few months which they say may relieve symptoms but they're very painful to have done and can make the pain worse initially. I can however get them on the NHS, but again, it's not a cure.

OP posts:
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 25/09/2018 16:01

Your family sound horrible. I think you'd be better off leaving them to it and focusing on yourself.

Are you able to work? Can you share how you feel with friends?

Being in pain is awful and it's so tiring. I've only ever had 'normal' cystitis and my god did that hurt. Send you a massive hug.

Bel04 · 25/09/2018 16:04

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy no I'm not able to work and since becoming ill all my friends have distanced themselves. I live with family as I don't own my own property.

OP posts:
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 25/09/2018 16:13

Oh dear, well that complicates things. How old are you? Is there ANY family member you could speak to to help explain things better to the rest of them? Could you get a note from your GP? Would that help them to take it more seriously?

As mentioned by the other poster, hopefully someone else who has been through this can offer some advice? Really sorry I can't do any more.

SandyY2K · 25/09/2018 16:39

This may sound drastic...but you need to proceed as though your family no longer exist.

Having that many family members who don't believe you does sound strange if I'm being honest.

There is either a high level of lack if empathy or mental instability on their part ...because it's not normal behaviour.

Adora10 · 25/09/2018 16:50

Your family are abusive and nasty; tell them all to FO, can't actually believe people can be this horrible; I think they do it because they get away with it so tell them you've had enough and for them to GTF.

Get back to the GP, there are other types of pain killers that may help, even antidepressants can help if it's nerve pain at all but there are other drugs other than morphine; you should be able to get something to help the pain; try and join some support groups online, even just those for people in pain with various illnesses, I really feel for you OP, that's terrible that nobody is believing you. I'd also check out if you are entitled to benefits if you haven't done so already, CAB are good for giving advice.

BeyondAdultHumanFemale · 25/09/2018 16:53

Give women's aid a call. They have specialist advice for disabled women. What your family is doing is abusive and staying with them is not sustainable

Flowers
DianaT1969 · 25/09/2018 17:09

How was your relationship with your family before you became ill?

Have you seen a dietician to find out if there are any foods/drink you should avoid?

Have you applied for the benefits you are entitled to?

hownowpowpow · 25/09/2018 20:25

My friend had this and was prescribed anti depressants. They have really helped her. May be worth asking about them. Hope you get sorted soon OP.

TheEmojiFormerlyKnownAsPrince · 25/09/2018 20:29

I had interstitial cystitis for 2 years. It was just awful. No anti biotics ever touched it.

I talked to a friend about it and she said her friend was a reflexologist who had cured someone with it. I went to see her, and after 6 sessions it was cured.

You can get much stronger painkillers than you are currently being prescribed

Shambu · 25/09/2018 20:36

Your family are nuts which you probably know.

As regards the cystitis - do you take over the counter products to neutralise your urine? Probiotics?

As a chronic cystitis sufferer - avoiding the following foods really helps me - sugar, fruit, vinegar, spices, rich dairy, alcohol. Eat plenty of neutral, gentle foods such as rice, cooked vegetables, live yoghurt.

curlykaren · 25/09/2018 23:43

Wow! Your illness sounds horrendous, I really hope the doctors can help find you some pain relief. As for your family, try and ignore as much as possible, you must be exhausted from the pain. You do not need emotional upset as well. All the best x

Bel04 · 26/09/2018 13:47

Thank you for all the kind messages. I am very very careful with my diet and only eat the 'safe' foods, I'm on universal credit x

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