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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

For people with no family emotional support: a thread to encourage each other.

4 replies

Movablefeast · 24/09/2018 23:19

I am 50. I am happily married with three teens, but I had dramatic teen years myself as both my parents died and I was living alone by 16. I managed to get to Uni in my 20s and get a good degree but once I had kids I found all my emotional energy went into giving them stability and staying sane myself. I have had opportunities such as lived in other countries but the total lack of emotional foundation under myself has prevented me from being able to take too many new challenges on and I didn’t learn new languages for example or do more to develop myself. It just felt everything in life was climbing Everest alone and there was only so much I could do and stay stable and sane. As a result, I am sane and stable but I don’t have a career and I am not sure what do to next. I never expected to be this old and still be asking what do I want to do with myself? .(sorry not sure what’s wrong with MN.....I have no idea it will not break into paragraphs..) I am proud of what I have accomplished and the fact that our children are doing well. But my question is for those who really had to do so much alone like me, did you manage to fulfill yourself over time? Did you also find you couldn’t take too much on as it compromised your sanity? How did you cope? I read an article once that said gifted children take their talents and use them to survive in extreme circumstances, I identify with that as survival was my goal for decades. Does anyone relate?

OP posts:
Purpleisthenewblue1 · 24/09/2018 23:29

Yes!

babycow38 · 24/09/2018 23:32

Yes I relate! I spent my teens and twenties being there for my Mum, I now regret it because I should have been living my own life. Why didn't I? It's to do with upbringing, I have was told you are selfish if you want to go off and be an Air Hostess, you are working class, you have a family that just doesn't do that, you are needed here to help your Mum through her Divorce, you need to work in bars to get money to help your Mum get settled after her Divorce, she wants to live with you because it helps her, so you do this to the detriment of yourself x

Movablefeast · 24/09/2018 23:33

Please elaborate Purple, sorry my first post is a dire mess, I was unable to edit or break it into paragraphs for some reason.

OP posts:
Movablefeast · 24/09/2018 23:34

babycowwhat about now? Have you put the energy into caring for yourself? Do you find lots of your energy is drained staying sane?

OP posts:
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