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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Ex partner troubles

2 replies

Kayl1986 · 24/09/2018 22:48

Hi, I’ll try and keep this short and to the point. Me and my partner of 13 years have recently split, after me wanting to get away I finally have and we have a daughter aged 5. My ex partner had many issues he was very controlling and I feel emotionally abusive aswell as having complete control of our finances despite me working full time he had no job for the past few years. He is a gambler and a drinker and basically got us into such a mess financially we lost our home which was rented. Me and my daughter have finally got away and currently back with my parents. My ex partner is renting a room and since I have left does nothing but beg for money constantly, doesn’t pay any maintenance and expects me to fund him from my tax credits which are for our daughter. I’m finding it so difficult to cut that emotional tie with him despite everyone just saying I can’t help him just say no. He’s constantly wearing me down and i just don’t know what to do. For my daughters sake I want to help as much as I can, everytime I say no he turns on me and uses our daughter as emotional blackmail saying he’ll take her from me as she lives with me. His family don’t want anything to do with him due to his pathological lying and money borrowing. Any advice appreciated

OP posts:
redastherose · 24/09/2018 23:59

You need to distance yourself from him emotionally, if you can access it through work or afford to pay for it some counselling would help you break that connection.

You really can't be giving him money which you need for your daughter. How about thinking about it the other way round. He is asking to take money from your daughter not you! You need to realise just how selfish he is being and has been by the sound of it for many years. You and your daughter deserve better and hopefully now you are on your way to getting your own place and being happy.

theworldistoosmall · 25/09/2018 00:18

Call his bluff. Let him take you to court. He won't do it because well, it costs money. I would block his number and tell him that you will be contactable for x time on x days and unblock him then. Any emotional bs from him, just repeat you are taking money from our child, if you need money then you need to get a job and fund your own life.

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