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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Thoughts please

6 replies

Juniper64 · 24/09/2018 19:07

So I've been married for 3.5 years, with my DH for 10. There's an age gap which I never viewed as an issue before, I'm in my 30's hes in his 50's. Being vague in case someone who knows us reads this and guesses who. I've always been on a specific career path, he knew this when he met me, and the last 7 years my job has been based in the same place 1.5-2 hours drive from where we live. The public transport option is much longer, complicated, and very expensive. I accepted this because I love my work and I'm very specialised so I can't pick and choose where I work. I commuted for 7 years, DH won't move, uses his parents as an excuse. I just couldn't do it anymore this year, so for 5 months I stayed in a hotel 1 night a week at my own cost. But it worked out better for me to end up renting here and travel home at the weekend. Much more cost effective too. The issue is that DH has only been here once in 5 months. He doesn't seem to want to know anything about my life here, be involved etc despite me trying to get him to be to begin with. And largely he still works a Saturday when I'm home so I've started staying here till sat afternoon so that I can have a social life here. I feel I missed out on that for 7 years. Couldn't socialise at work as was driving straight home and was home too late to do stuff at home because of driving. So I feel I tried and sacrificed a lot. DH resents my career etc and it's creating a rift, we are growing apart and barely communicating. I don't want to have to "tell" DH to visit me because he doesn't take things like that well. I really don't know what to do :-(

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 24/09/2018 20:09

Get a solicitor and file for divorce. There is no room for resentment in a marriage, and you are both full of it. You will be much, much happier without him.

Bigpuglittlepug · 24/09/2018 20:13

^^ Life's too short

LollyPopsApple · 24/09/2018 20:14

I don’t think you have much of a marriage if your DH is so set in his ways he’s not interested in making the time to see you, you live separately miles apart etc. It sounds more like you’re still married for the sake of it. I get the sense you’re more into him than he is you, given that he isn’t willing to move halfway so you have a 45 min commute and he is 45 min to his parents (which is nothing!) do you want to be married to him if things stay as they are?

MaryandMichael · 24/09/2018 20:15

Formalise it. Get a divorce. Move on.

HollowTalk · 24/09/2018 20:18

Divorce! Start a new and happy life with someone who wants to and has the energy to enjoy it.

Wherearemymarbles · 24/09/2018 20:49

Doesnt sound fun but then i know a guy similar type of niche job. He works in london mon-thurs. His family live on the other side of the uk. his wife and kids visit him once a year to do stuff in London around Christmas. He has been doing this over 10years now. Now idea now it works. Neither really knows anything about the others life 4 days a week

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