Best friends boyfriend

[Sarlar3]

Hi 🙋🏼‍♀️
I’m just posting for a bit advice for my best friend as the only advice I can offer her is biased because I only want the best for her and I’m finding myself really angry in the situation she is in.

She and her boyfriend already have one child who is nearly 2 and she is currently expecting with her second. (She found it really hard to conceive after misscarrying last year and since she found out she was pregnant this time she has had nothing but stress which she doesn’t need)

Anyways she has just found out her partner has a “onlyfans” account which he has subscribed too. The women who he is viewing is people my friend knows and he has also been sending them money in exchange for god knows what.
When she confronted him about it, he said he had friend the free trial and forgot to unsubscribe..which is a lie as he has been paying for it for about 6 months.

He has completely turned it round on her, making it be her fault as she has lost her sex drive and he “needed to sort himself out somehow”. Which she now feels guilty about and I think deep down she is blaming herself.
She said she wouldn’t have a problem if it was “normal porn” as she understands he has needs but it’s the fact it’s so personal and he’s actually paying women who he knows. All the while, he’s making out to my friend that they have no money and she’s been really stressing about new baby.

I have said this behaviour is cheating but again she is just keep blaming herself. I honestly don’t think she can see what I see in her and really doesn’t know her worth but trying to tell her this just falls on deaf ears as I know he will say what she wants to hear and she’ll accept it. But on the other hand am I thinking too much into it and it really isn’t that bad?

Any advice would be massively appreciated!
Thankyou x (sorry it’s so long)

It IS that bad and I hope I have a straight talking friend like you telling me not to minimise this if I ever find myself in this situation.

Unfortunately she's not in a place to listen and will sadly find out for herself.

No, I think it's bad. Not only is it cheating it's also pretty disgusting to pay women for sex/porn/images. I wouldn't be happy with 'normal' porn either tbh but women he knows?

I don't think he does have 'needs' he has wants but he won't die if he doesnt wank over pictures/videos of women! It's not his God given right to have someone touch his dick, he might want sex but surely a normal common or garden wank would suffice?

It's also so shitty to blame your friend for it.

It would be a LTB from me, but I don't think your friend will listen. I think the main thing is getting her to realise it's not her fault. He chose to do that, and she has every right to not have sex with him for whatever reason. Would she pay someone for images/videos if he didn't have sex with her for a few months? I think not.

Thankyou for replying 😊

I'd never heard of Onlyfans but it looks like porn meets Instargram. People pay a subscription to see pictures and videos that the person they've subscribed to is posting? Is that right?

The issue is not that he's using porn but that he's using porn and the OP's friend knows the "performer(s)" who are posting it. Part of me wonders why she would be OK with him looking at pictures of women she doesn't know but is upset by him looking at pictures of women she does know but its like the old who's your fantasy shag question. If the answer is some famous movie start that's one thing but if its the person who works in the local cafe that's quite another!

While she shouldn't have to tell him it looks as though she needs to make it clear needs that its not OK to subscribe to women he/she knows IRL.

He's blurring boundaries IMO and that needs to stop. If she classes porn use as cheating then it is in her eyes, but if not it's whether there is any greater interaction beyond viewing. Is it also possible that these women are also prostitutes and he's engaging in more than an occasional knuckle shuffle?

I think her issue was that porn is free. It’s available to anyone and everyone. Where as onlyfans is more personal, that you are paying for a service so to speak and they can go and watch them on cams etc (I think).

Apart of her is more pissed off at the money situation as I know she’s finding things difficult at the moment as she has to rely on him and he has made out that there isn’t a great deal of money yet he has money to spend on this.

Just to add aswell her partner has had anger issues which he has dealt with my friend thought they were in a good place then she finds out this.
I think she is minimising it but only because he is all she knows. I just wish I could make her see she is worth so much more.

.