Why does she do that?

[codependencyco]

Can you help me understand my DM's behavior towards me?

Since I've become older and more independent I've noticed this thing DM does and it's not very nice. It's usually when I talk about goals/achievements, also my DH.

When I decided to go into teaching (I'd spent years not knowing what to do professionally and feeling lost) I proudly told her and her response was (disappointed face) "well I suppose that's good for when you have kids because then you can look after them in the holidays" never mentioned that I even wanted kids at that point.

Started studying a masters, very excited, she showed no interest whatsoever, has never asked me what it's like, whether I enjoy the subject etc. in moments of stress because of deadlines she encourages me to stop studying and when I'm visiting her and I have work to do she complains that I can't go shopping with her etc.

Met my DH, she consistently made nasty comments about him and his family for years until recently when she stopped. Now I am having problems with him she defends all his wrong doings and makes excuses for him.

Makes underhand nasty comments regularly for no reason, e.g. Recently got a commission for a painting online, said to her "I'm so pleased I managed to sell my first painting" her response "well hopefully she doesn't send it back"

She always does this thing where she has to say the opposite of what I've said even if she's said the same as me in the past.

If I talk about my experiences I.e. going into teaching, she says "well I would have done that if it wasn't for xxx" or "that's exactly the same as when I did xxx"

When I've tried to address it with her and ask why she would say horrible things she says I'm delusional and I've made it all up.

Are my expectations of her just too high? Is she just a bit unsupportive? Is she jealous? I'm now a mother myself and I imagine that when my DC tells me about positive things in his life I would feel pride and support him however I can so I just don't get it. Also we've always had a very close relationship so it's not like we don't get on.

Onemansoapopera

It's hard to see how, "I'm so proud of you. I'm really proud of the way you handled X situation. You've shown great maturity."

Or

"It amazes me that you can do Y. I really admire how self motivated and self disciplined you are."

With the occasional, "I'd never have had the confidence to do Z at your age. It's a real testament to your strength of character that you took that on. Well done"

type comments could be framed negatively...

Maybe they will try but then I think that probably would say more about them than me.

Because they are also allowed to be none of those things without recrimination too.

Your mother is a jealous, bitter person who is consumed with self-loathing. She is to be pitied. However, that doesn't mean you have to allow her the right to poison your life. If you feel you need to go NC or very very low contact, I think you should. I would.

Total jealousy! I am so sorry you have to put up with this. Someone I love has the same issue, their DM tries to belittle everything about them and its affected them to a point of being sectioned more than once. You are far better than your DM and be proud you aren't like that, and you are a loving, driven, compassionate person... Maybe not involved her so much with your successes and let her live in her own jealousy in peace. Sending you all the strength to deal with this

She is bitter because you are and have achieved more than she did, consumed by jealousy and delusional herself that she can't see the hurt she is causing, I'd distance myself.