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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

X saying lifes not worth living....

19 replies

charliecat · 11/06/2007 11:55

He has noone down here except for me, his family are miles away.
Hes staying down here for the sake of the kids but a black cloud has appeared over the weekend and hes struggling to keep it together.
Not sure what to do .

OP posts:
Aloveheart · 11/06/2007 12:00

He'll be ok it's probably shock maybe. What can you do??

Original poster
charliecat · 11/06/2007 12:00

I dont know.

OP posts:
hurtwife · 11/06/2007 12:35

I dont know the story - if he is X why is he bothering you with this? Is is emotional blackmail?

lou33 · 11/06/2007 12:38

i think it's common, he will get through it, i think a lot of it is trying to make you feel guilty, i know my exh has done it enough!

Original poster
charliecat · 11/06/2007 12:44

No, hes not trying to make me feel guilty, I think hes just hit a low, or had a low hit him.
Ive had it myself, and it passes, but theres nothing an outsider can do is there?

OP posts:
lou33 · 11/06/2007 13:10

not really, it might make give him false hope if you offer help

WigWamBam · 11/06/2007 13:17

All you can do is ask him to see the GP. If he doesn't want to do it for himself, ask him to consider doing it for his children.

I would be wary of becoming more actively involved in helping him, because you lay yourself open to emotional blackmail.

Original poster
charliecat · 11/06/2007 13:25

I dont think hes trying to blackmail me. He knows it over.
He said hes got none to live for except us but we dont want him etc.
(Funny how they dont think of this when they are treating us like dogshit but deep breath never mind)
Its awful to hear, Im trying to direct him to join the gym, go and see his family for the weekend, he doesnt want too. cant see the next 5 mins.
Cant sleep, cant eat, laying numb etc.

OP posts:
PetitFilou1 · 11/06/2007 13:27

He can contact Saneline and talk to them in confidence, go to the GP, ring a friend or family (do you know someone you could ring yourself and ask to call him?). He can even take himself to A&E and tell them he wants to go into hospital for his own protection if it is that serious.

Remember his life is not your responsibility (whether you are married or not) - it is his. Has he talked about actual plans to end his life? If so he needs urgent help. He needs to talk to the experts. You could also call Sane yourself for advice - sorry I am useless with links but try googling them.

Hope he gets some help - this is hard for both of you.

Original poster
charliecat · 11/06/2007 13:27

I mentioned the GP, no, I wouldnt go either TBH.
Erm, vitamins???Something mood lifting?
I use rescue remedy myself when things get too much, but no, he wont.

OP posts:
Original poster
charliecat · 11/06/2007 13:28

I will get the number for saneline thank you. He says he cant explain, he just feels like its not worth being here anymore.
Awful.

OP posts:
PetitFilou1 · 11/06/2007 13:28

There is also the Samaritans otherwise.......

WigWamBam · 11/06/2007 13:30

I don't mean blackmail blackmail; I meant more that, if you let yourself become his main source of emotional help, you may end up far more emotionally involved than you would feel happy to be - and that he may grow to become dependent upon that.

But actually, saying that he's got nothing to live for except you, but that you don't want him so he has nothing left to live for, is emotional blackmail. It really is.

Get him to see the GP. It's the best thing you can do for him, honestly.

Anniegetyourgun · 11/06/2007 13:31

Charlie, why are you still living his life for him? Or at least he's expecting you to. He feels bad so YOU have to tell him what to do. If he'd listened to you before he wouldn't be in this state. Now you've given him some sensible suggestions, it's up to him whether he takes them or not. As you rightly said, there's nothing more you can do. He's got to take responsibility for himself for a change. If he keeps relying on you he never will.

harman · 11/06/2007 13:32

Message withdrawn

Original poster
charliecat · 11/06/2007 13:33

He doesnt want to be telling me this, he said that. Its just that hes got noone else to. His family, well id prefer he came to me not them TBH, the preferable lot will have him clutching his bible and telling him god will make it better and the other lot will send him to the pub thinking he can drink his troubles away.

OP posts:
Original poster
charliecat · 11/06/2007 13:34

Sorry loads of cross posts.

OP posts:
PetitFilou1 · 11/06/2007 14:53

Charliecat If that is the case then an independent counsellor or supportive person may be the way forward, that is why I think Sane would be a good start.
One of my exes did this to me when we split up about 10 years ago. I could see he was in trouble so I told him to go to his GP and get some anti-depressants. He did and they helped and he came off them quite quickly. I know you've already said he won't go to the GP though.
Don't try and deal with this on your own. If you really do have to be the only person to support him, make sure you have some support yourself or you will be emotionally drained.

Original poster
charliecat · 11/06/2007 20:16

Ive just text him to ask how he was and got back

ALIVE

I wonder whether he can see the humour in that right now!?!

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