Husband thinks it's okay to slap our son when he's older. I'm heartbroken.

[StephensAmy]

Can someone please help with a solution. Is it really a divorce? I've always been the first to get every view of my husband out of him when we were boyfriend/girlfriend. We debated over absolutely everything and had a lot of fun doing so, through that we learnt each other's views.

My childhood was abusive, my mum finally admitted this when I was a teen and it changed our relationship, we are now so close. He knew this and used to always say how he could never do such a thing.

We have our little boy and he's everything. My husband is also the love of my life and we share views so similar it's ridiculous.

However, I started talking to him about what kind of techniques we would use when he got older. We just had a little talk and he said "and if he's uncontrollable, a slap" I thought he was joking and I had to double ask and he was like I think a slap for the worst of the worst, has no respect is ok and I'm heartbroken. We tried debating over it and he isn't changing his opinions and said he would use it if he had to "but thinks it'll never be needed". I know most people will probably call me a drama llama but it's really hit a spot for me.

The fact that so many of you can remember being smacked but don't think it's a big deal says it is a big deal. Can you remember what you had for Christmas on your 5th year, can you remember why you were made to sit on the stairs at 7? Any event that sticks in a childs mind is a major event for some reason. If you wouldn't hit an adult or be hit by an adult (it is a crime) why would you tolerate the same for a child?

Don’t be silly. I also remember the time my mum made us eat brawn . Oh and watching my dad watch Grandstand for hours on end.

So we are using things that were seen as 'normal' in the 70's as a yardstick for acceptable behaviour now?

Well the brawn was a bit beyond the pale ....

Probe him on his reasoning ... the logical use of slapping falls apart pretty quickly as all it does is scare and upset. Genuinely ask him what he thinks it will achieve. Maybe he is just clueless about other options and the damage hitting can do

Smacking doesn’t work and is ineffective anyway. Personally I find removing toys/ privileges And sending them to their room works better

A far more fitting comparison is that I remember being made to eat things I didn’t like because they were good for me and to finish my meals. That’s had far more impact on me and my food issues than occasional snacking has had. Looking back, I don’t think it’s something I feel any need to change. I don’t remember ever being routinely smacked, just now and again when all else failed. Now I’m not damaged as a result, no it’s still really not a big thing however the anti-smack brigade try to reframe it, yes I’ve been hurt and affected more by things that have been said or situations than a smack on the back of the leg. Times changed though, it’s less acceptable for my generation to smack our kids and by the time my daughters generation have kids it’ll be completely taboo. This is because controls are needed thanks to shit parent who routinely smacked and abused, not the experience of the majority of 70’s kids b

I know right? A hard working fella can't even give his wife a gentle slap these daysfor not doing as she's told either, thanks to shit heads who take it too far. awaits being told hitting a kid to discipline them is totally different to hitting any other person, or animal, come to that

Instead of going off the deep end, what about presenting him with some evidence to say this does. not. work.

I suffered various abuse in my childhood from my father and my stepfather. Sexual abuse happened, but the thing that has stuck with me most vividly was being repeatedly hit with a slipper by my stepfather when I was around 4. It’s one of my earliest memories. It was absolutely awful. I hope in time he comes to see that this isn’t how you treat someone you love. Would he hit you if he didn’t like your behaviour? Or would it just be a kid who can’t fight back? Hitting doesn’t teach lessons, only fear and distrust.