What should I have done

[Juststopit]

Separated from exh for a year for cheating and lying to me. Suspected he was still seeing ow all this time which he denied, still lying! I lost it one night on the phone over something, he likes to lie and withhold info I need for the divorce, to control me I think.

I felt bad, because I'm always the one who did, and popped by to say sorry, we need to get on civilly and I thought I was doing the right thing.

I was talking to him and then the ow came in, using a key. He and her pushed me around and put the door, injuring my foot.

I am so bloody angry now. At myself for going round there and at him for lying yet again. How do I move on? My well meaning friends just tell me to report him and for assault, which I think is over the top. How do I get past my stupidity and all this anger. I've been taken for a mug again.

OP - it’s what are you struggling with?
You are divorcing rather than trying to reconcile... Why do you bother worrying about his dating life?
He doesn’t own you anything anymore. And neither do you.

Civility - yes. Useful in divorce, especially if there are children.
On all other issues - he is a stranger. And you can do better.

You need to just let your solicitor get on with the divorce and stop engaging with him.

If you have kids together, sort out access/practicalities by email/text and do polite disengaged doorstep handovers. If you don't have kids, just stop all direct contact.

They have assaulted you and if you do nothing now, they will continue to do it. Go to the police station and report it.

Did you try and leave and they wouldn't let you?

OP, the lying is not good. So you're separated, but that doesn't mean your feelings have switched off. You would have to have a heart of stone for that not to bother you. However, the other posters are correct in their sentiment to move on and not care. You'll probably have to fake that bit. But people (especially poor quality ones) are gonna do what they're gonna do. You have no control over this, even though it may be tempting to try to tutor or nice him into not lying to you. You can't. He's a shit. In the jungle, he's the ape swinging through the vines and dropping little plops whenever he feels like it, without bothering to check if you are under him. You got a plop in the face. Shout up the tree to the ape if you like, but doing that is futile. He's an ape. He can't understand you.

hugs

I'm unclear how they both ended up attacking you.

Did you instigate something when she came in?

What happened exactly ?

I didn't instigate anything, she just went for me. I really think he has proabably lied to her to and she may think we are actually divorced.

I ve tried disengaging but he just won't accept arranging things by email, and always tries to come into my house. I ve tried meeting him only in public places, as we still need to sort out finances and when we left he tried to hug and kiss me.

I just want to be left alone, I have no feelings, well other than anger, for him but the extent of the lying is hard to handle.

My solicitor is brilliant but he is constantly trying to delay the process.

It all happened so quickly. I felt very shaken up. What a mess.

You need to separate the 2 things, the OW and divorce. Do not let him wind you up and try and control you. Do not concern yourself with the OW and what they do as it is no longer any of your business. Let your solicitor do their job, really there is no need to be in contact with your ex to resolve the finances. If he is dragging his feet let the solicitor sort it.

Research grey/gray rock technique.

Do you desperately need the divorce to go through? If not leave him to it...

He doesn't get to dictate how you make arrangements or walk into your house. You can and should set those boundaries. And just leave the divorce and finances to your solicitor, unless you're planning to remarry anytime soon, it doesn't matter how long it takes, really. Grey rock him, disengage and stop the face to face stuff.

I've just read the grey rock method and yes it is completely what I need to do. I think I m just anxious to get this horrible process out the way and get on with life, but you're right, it will take as long as it takes.

Thanks everyone.